Not the kind that you use to get around town, but the bigger ones, the kind you interpret as the universe or someone sending you.
I have always been on the lookout for signs.
Why not? Wouldn't life be a little easier if the answer you're looking for would just fall from the sky?
As I grow older, I realize there is very little about life that is black and white. As a child, you believe that doing X+Y=Z. You finish school, meet your soul mate, have good jobs, start a family. It should be that simple. But life isn't like that.
I like to think of myself as an optimist. You know, who always looks for the silver lining in a situation. Honestly, though, this week has been tough. I can't seem to find that glimmer of shine I've been straining my eyes to see. All I see right now is grey, almost like a fog.
My mind is starting to wonder if this last loss is a sign.
The sign to give up.
Really, the odds are definitely stacked against me at this point. Six pregnancies, five losses, one child. With every loss, I am at awe that I even have Miss O. I hug her a little tighter each time, as my heart breaks. I wonder if I'm being selfish because I want another. But part of that urge is FOR Miss O. I want her to have a brother or sister.
Do you believe in signs? And, how do you know when it's time to give up?