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Monday, March 23, 2009

And It Continues...

This morning's draw? 223. Ugh.


This led to a long conversation with the RE this morning. He's recommending methotrexate. Says that the pregnancy is now textbook for it being in my only remaining tube. It's growing, but not enough, and that's what happens when it's tubal.

I'm just sick.


This isn't my first go around with this chemotherapy drug. That's right, it's a chemo drug. Almost 2 years ago, I had a miscarriage that started. I bleed and my numbers were going down. They were monitoring the numbers until they returned to zero. Except, they started going back up, after hitting a low of 16. From BFP to finally getting a clean bill of health, it took 2 months.

Two months of bleeding, bi-weekly blood draws, and too many doctor appointments to count. I joke that was the pregnancy that wouldn't end.


I'm waiting for the doc to call me back with the details of when I'll go in to receive the methotrexate. I'm not looking forward to it. Last time, I had lots of nausea, was exhausted, and had painful mouth sores. Good times.

I'm so tired.
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25 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 23, 2009 at 12:26 PM

    Oh, I am sorry. Are they sure it's in your tube? I am stupid about stuff like this? I just want to make sure there is no chance that it could make it.... Best wishes and lots of prayers, I really hope you don't get too sick from the drug. Is it supposed to help you finish the miscarriage? sorry if this seems too harsh, it was not meant to come out that way.
    Amber

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  2. K @ ourboxofrainMarch 23, 2009 at 12:29 PM

    Well, shit. I really hope it's not in your tube. I wish there was something to be said other than ugh. And (hugs). And I hope the methotrexate treats you better this go-round. And I am so, incredibly sorry you're dealing with this. Thinking of you.

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  3. Melis.saMarch 23, 2009 at 12:40 PM

    man alive! I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! I hope this goes faster than the last time you were on this drug. :( Are they going to do an ultrasound or anything to make sure that's where it is?

    ((HUGS))

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  4. AnonymousMarch 23, 2009 at 12:42 PM

    Shit. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this. Thinking of you.

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  5. ShelliMarch 23, 2009 at 12:49 PM

    I'm sorry this is happening.

    I can help you out on the methotrexate. I took it with one of my miscariages when the numbers went down, then up.

    The only horrible side effect is the... ummm, intestinal distress. Severe intestinal distress.

    Hang in there, my dear. Know that there are so many of us thinking of you.

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  6. KatieMarch 23, 2009 at 1:33 PM

    I am so sorry. I hope the side effects are better this go around. It sucks to have to deal with all of that on top of everything else. Sending you hugs

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  7. Joy@WDDCHMarch 23, 2009 at 1:44 PM

    Here's a site to find support during this time and maybe find others in the same exact position as you:

    http://misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com

    *HUGS*

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  8. Joy@WDDCHMarch 23, 2009 at 1:45 PM

    Oh, and I second what Melissa said above- are they going to give you an ultrasound to make sure?!

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  9. MaryMarch 23, 2009 at 2:23 PM

    Oh my god. This is craziness. I can't believe you have to go through this again. I'm so sorry, sweetie.

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  10. SerenityMarch 23, 2009 at 2:38 PM

    I am so sorry you have to do this yet again. Hugs and love to you.

    xxx

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  11. J SweetMarch 23, 2009 at 3:01 PM

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this again. That is sooo unfair.
    Shouldn't you be getting an ultrasound to confirm or would it be too early to see anything?? Then they could at least know for sure if it's in your tube or a regular m/c.
    I am just so sorry and I hope this resolves itself as quickly and painlessly as possible. (((HUGS)))

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  12. AntoniaMarch 23, 2009 at 3:18 PM

    I am so very sorry to hear things do not look good for you. At the risk of sounding like a broken record.. I am wondering if your RE is planning for you to have an ultrasound before you start any treatment. I am holding out hope that maybe you are just earlier than you thought you are in the pregnancy, or that perhaps it is a natural m/c that has not had time to start it's process. I had a m/c back in February of 2008 that was diagnosed at about 6 weeks.. my betas went up slowly, much like yours are over a week or so, and my doctor was sure it was a tubal. However, the ultrasound confirmed it was just a blighted ovum that had not yet begun the natural process of shedding from my body. It took me to about 8 weeks for the m/c symptoms to begin. I understand that it is your only tube and you would not want to risk any permanent damage to it. I just hope your RE decides to confirm his diagnosis based on your Betas, before subjecting you to treatment, especially if it is as awful for you as you described your prior go-round with it to be. My thoughts and prayers are with you...and again I really am truly sorry.

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  13. CarrieMarch 23, 2009 at 3:51 PM

    I know I keep saying it, but I am so very sorry and holding you close in my thoughts, wishing you whatever peace there is to find.

    Hugs,
    Carrie

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  14. AnnieMarch 23, 2009 at 4:16 PM

    no words, so sending you (((hugs)))

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  15. AwkwardMomentsMarch 23, 2009 at 10:44 PM

    SOnofa ... Man, Can I send chocolates, wine, Something? ...

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  16. SassyCupcakesMarch 23, 2009 at 11:21 PM

    That's so not fair. I really hope it's not in your tube. Take care. *hug*

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  17. Mrs. GamgeeMarch 24, 2009 at 1:32 AM

    I am so sorry! I will be praying and sending good thoughts your way.

    ICLW

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  18. LivMarch 24, 2009 at 8:32 AM

    I'm so sorry. Just the crappiest thing ever. I'm hoping that this resolves quickly and with lessoned side effects then your previous experience.

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  19. NicMarch 24, 2009 at 10:07 AM

    I am so sorry
    ~ICLW

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  20. KathyMarch 24, 2009 at 10:22 AM

    ARGH!!! That just sucks. It isn't enough to be having a m/c, but to tack another ecotopic on top of it?! Life can be so unfair. Hang in there. You can and will get through this. We are here to support you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))

    P.S. As a total aside, my dad takes methotrexate for arthritis. It is crazy the things they use that drug for. I didn't take it with my interstial ectopic, as the baby/sac was too big and they ended up having to remove it surgically.

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  21. G$March 24, 2009 at 11:36 AM

    Ugh, I am sorry. Methotrex sucks! I hope this time goes more quickly (as sad as that is)

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  22. ChelleMarch 24, 2009 at 12:46 PM

    I am so sorry you have to go through this.

    LFCA
    ICLW

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  23. ShinejilMarch 24, 2009 at 2:03 PM

    Meth just blows. I hate that they say it has no side effects in the doses they give you for an ectopic. Because that's total bs.

    I'm sorry you're going through this--again. I hope it's fast and as painless as possible.

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  24. AnonymousMarch 24, 2009 at 4:24 PM

    I just can't believe your news... I am so so sorry. I can't believe how incredibly hard this is on you. I hope you can get this figured out soon so you can rest easy that your other tube is safe.

    WIsh I could give you a real honest to goodness hug.

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  25. And so it goesMarch 24, 2009 at 9:27 PM

    I am so so sorry you are going through this. ugg ugg ugg.

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