Saturday, October 31, 2009

Eleven, then Seven

M. and I were a half hour early to the hospital for the egg retrieval yesterday. We figured better early than late, especially since we had to go to the big city for retrieval. Everyone was really nice, and tried to put my worries to rest.

The first nurse took us back to our room, where I got to change into the lovely gown. We then went over some paper work and she started my IV. So far, so good. I was a little nervous, and she put me at ease, saying that most girls wake up ready to go out for lunch! Then anesthesia and the RE came in and we were ready to roll.

After stopping at the bathroom on the way to the OR, down the hall I went. I had to give my name and birth date, and then they situated me on the table. The last thing I remember in there was staring at the ceiling, waiting for the oxygen mask.

I was wheeled back to my room. M. was happy to see me and quickly told me that they had managed to get 11 eggs. My happiness was short lived, as I started feeling intense pressure and pain. After a shot of something and a pill, an hour later, my pain was better and I was deemed well enough to leave.

After our hour and a half ride home, which I blissfully slept through, I hung out on the couch. I was still really uncomfortable and finally broke down around 4 and took my ty.lenol with cod.ine that they prescribed me. I expected to be crampy, but this was different. My abdomen didn't hurt, it was more my chest and shoulders. M. and I joked that they must have kneed on my chest to hold my mobile ovary down! At least, I could still laugh at that point. The meds didn't touch my discomfort, but walking a little made me feel better.

By 9 o'clock last night I was in tears. The pressure in my chest and shoulders was unbearable. I remember crying to M., "I'm not okay. I'm not a wimp. What is wrong?" He kept trying to make me feel better by rubbing my shoulders or helping me walk around the coffee table. Laying down flat was torture. Finally, I managed to get into a reclined position in bed and fell asleep.

I'm still not myself today, but at least that awful pressure/pain is gone.

After talking to my nurse, I found out a little more about my procedure. She was upset that I didn't call last night, and made me promise I will, if I feel like that again. Apparently, the doctor had a lot of trouble with one of my ovaries, and I had a lot of bleeding during the procedure. He managed to get 9 follies out of one side, but could only safely get 2 out of the other. Now, I'm at a higher risk for O.H.S.S. because they had to leave a lot of follicles behind, I guess. Why can't my body be normal?

The good news is that out of the 11 eggs they retrieved, 8 were mature and 7 fertilized!

Tomorrow morning, I'll get the call on whether we'll do a 3 or 5 day transfer. In the meantime, I'm sucking down as much and water as I can and taking it easy.

Seven has always been my "lucky" number, let's hope it comes through for me again!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Stick A Fork In Me...

...I'm DONE!

We triggered last night at 10pm. Okay, after a little freak out with trying to get all the hcg into the syringe, it was 10:04pm, but we did it!

I'm set for retrieval tomorrow morning, Friday at 10am.


We went in to the office this morning for our last instructions. M. learned how to give me the proges.terone shots, and even gave me a "practice" shot. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought, but I'm sure once he's trying to push that oil in, it'll be a different story. Nurse Peppy and Dr. Hope both wished us luck as we left. It's weird that I won't see them again until the 16th, which is beta day.

I'm scared, excited, nervous, happy, frightened, nauseous, crazy...about every emotion you can have wrapped into one person.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Getting Close

The pressure in my abdomen is growing daily.

I'm 10 days into stimming and headed into to Dr. Hope's office for my blood work and ultrasound this morning. After Nurse Peppy took my blood, M. and I headed into the ultrasound room for the scan.

I can not express how thankful I am that M. has attended every one of these appointments with's really just for moral support, but it does make the routine a little easier. We joke that we know the "drill". While I empty my bladder, he takes my coat and purse into the other room and always has the sheet unfolded and ready for me. It just makes the whole experience a little more comfortable.

Dr. Hope knocked and made his way in and started the scan. It was much more uncomfortable than Monday's, I'm guessing because the follies are getting bigger! Dr. Hope had some trouble getting my ovaries to stay still, so that he could measure the follies. I had to roll to my left hip, so that he could get pictures of my right ovary and then I had to press down on my abdomen to get a clear shot of my left ovary. Ouch! He joked that I have unusually mobile ovaries. I asked him what that meant for retrieval and he said that someone will be holding down on my ovaries, so I might be quite sore afterwards.

Everything looked right on track, and I'll be triggering either tonight or tomorrow night with ER on Friday or Saturday!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Stepping Away From The Edge

I feel like I can finally breathe a little...

THANK YOU ALL for your positive thoughts and prayers!

This morning's ultrasound went much better than last Thursday's.

Dr. Hope started with my uterine lining, which looked great. Then he briefly scanned my right ovary, and then headed over to the left. He had some trouble finding that tricky left ovary, but when he did, we saw lots of follies! He joked that all I needed, "was a little extra fertilizer!".

I didn't ask for a exact number, but I know that everything he measured was between 12 and 13 mm. I'm to keep up with the 150 iu twice a day, and head back in on Wednesday for another ultrasound and more blood work.

I'm so relieved.

It doesn't mean anything yet, but I just feel like we at least stand a chance, you know?

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Quote

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere."
~ Frank A. Clark

I was cleaning out my desk at work yesterday, and stumbled across this quote written down on a post it note.

Funny how things just pop up when you need them, no?

As I read it, I realized that I came across it almost 2 years ago, and jotted it down. I was in a big transition in my career at the time, and had just suffered my 4th loss. The quote spoke to me then, and still does today.

I needed to read it, let it rumble around in my brain, really think about it.

No matter what the outcome of this cycle is, I need to not give up. I can't control how my body responds to the drugs, whether the embies (I hope!) we get implant, and I sure can't control whether my body accepts a pregnancy for the long haul.

So much of this, heck, LIFE, is out of our control.

And if it does work?

It will be all the sweeter because of the obstacles I've had to overcome.


I can NOT thank all of you enough for your support.

Dr. Hope called yesterday afternoon.

We've upped my folli.stim up to 150iu's twice a day. Yay, 3 shots a day! Can you feel the sarcasm?

I've been feeling some twinges in the left side of my abdomen today.

Here's hoping we see MANY follies on Monday.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


After 3 days of stimming, injecting myself with 225 iu's of folli.stim, I headed into Dr. Hope's office for blood work and an ultrasound.

He, of course, warned me that it's early and we might not see much.

And we didn't.

I think he found and measured one follicle. ONE.

The rational part of my mind tells me it's early, not to worry, trust that I just need to be patient. I wish that voice could drown out the one that is blaring through my head. The one that is screaming, "You're not responding!"

I just want to cry.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

October ICLW

Welcome to Not The Path I Chose!

I'm Photogrl, a thirty-something, who's struggling from secondary infertility. My husband is M. and we have a 5 year old daughter, Miss O. We've been trying to add to our family for the last 4 years. Over those years, we've been pregnant 5 times, but all have ended in loss. M. keeps getting a clean bill of health, while I've lost one tube to an ectopic pregnancy.

We are currently smack in the middle of our first IVF cycle.

Outside of my obsession with getting pregnant, I love to bake cakes, drink wine, and have a good time ;)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


First dose of folli.stim was injected last night!

I didn't expect it to burn as bad as it did, hopefully tonight won't be a repeat. I did both shots on the same side of my abdomen, maybe that wasn't such a great idea!?!

So, the plan is to stay on the 225iu of Folli.stim through Wednesday night, and head in Thursday morning for more blood work and an U/S.

I was very lucky with the Lu.pron, as I really was pretty side effect free, minus being extremely tired.

But today is a totally different story!

I don't know if it's the combo, or the buildup of Lu.pron in my system, but I'm SO dizzy today. I have to watch how quickly I move my head, and rolling my eyes is NOT an option, unless I want to fall down.

As long as we have follies growing, I'll suffer through any side effects....

Monday, October 19, 2009

It's a GO!

This morning, bright and early, M. and I headed in to see Dr. Hope.

The whole ride there, my stomach was in knots.

Nurse Peppy brought me back for the blood draw first. I apologized for calling her all last week in a panic, when AF was no where to be found. After explaining to her about M.'s job news, she looked relieved. She said that she could tell something had to be wrong or bothering me, because I'm usually very calm and easy going when she talks to me. As we're talking she proceeds to stick me...I'm a pretty easy stick, but today it was like a fountain! Seriously. Blood everywhere!

After we cleaned ourselves up, it was over to the ultrasound room, for my date with the va-jay-jay cam. Dr. Hope found both ovaries pretty quick, and said everything looked quiet. Yay! I don't remember how, but somehow he mentioned something about me and only having one tube. I cracked a joke about being a "one-tubed wonder" and everyone had a good laugh!

Overall, we were in and out within 30 minutes.

Nurse Peppy called this afternoon, and declared my estrogen levels perfect. The Lu.pron has done it's job and my ovaries are supressed. She told me to knock my Lu.pron dose down to 5 units and night and added 225 of Foll.istim for the next 3 evenings. I head back for more bloodwork and an ultrasound on Thursday.

No turning back now...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

In The Nick Of Time...

She finally showed her ugly face.

Of course, it couldn't be before the RE's office closed on Friday at 2pm...but I'm not complaining.

After talking to Nurse Peppy last night, who called Dr. Hope, I am very reassured. I'm feeling hopeful again.

My whole fear is over suppression. I don't know why, as I have nothing to reason why I could be over suppressed or any experience with being over suppressed, but it's my fear for right now in the cycle. I guess that's how my mind works. Gotta have something to worry about, right?

Dr. Hope gave me another reason to ♥ him last night. He's going to bend the rules for me. Apparently, the clinic has you start on stims on the Saturday of the week that you bleed. With my period showing late, I would normally have to wait until next Saturday to start my foll.istim BUT he's going to see me Monday morning.

As long as everything looks good, I'll start stims Monday night!

Thank you all for your encouraging words, virtual hugs, and really means the world to me!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Teary Thursday

I'm horribly hormonal today.

Cried twice at work already.

Still waiting on my period.

Talked to the RE. If I don't start by Saturday, I will have to wait another WEEK before starting stims.


I know it's only a week, but I can't help but feel betrayed by my body again. Everything will be shifted by a week. I'm trying to let very few at work know what's going on, and a week will screw everything up.

I just want to catch a break.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Another Bump in the Road

I had grand intentions of writing a recap of this weekend's fun getaway with M. last night...

But that all changed even before I got home.

Usually, on my way home, I give M. a call. We fill each other in on our day and he tells me how Miss O. is doing. Last night, our phone conversation went a little differently. I was a little irked because I hadn't heard from him all day, and I've got over a week's worth of Lup.ron in me.

He sounded down, and I asked what was wrong. "Nothing.", he said, " I just had a rough day at work." When I pressed the issue, all he would say was, "We'll talk about it when you get home."


That's never good. In the 5 minutes that it took me to get home, many scenarios played out in my head. Does he have a new boss? Are they sending him out of town? Is he being transferred?

Finally, I pulled in the driveway. He met me there.

"So, the conference call today? Yeah, my company was out bid for my job."

I was speechless. What the hell does that mean???

M. will keep his job (Whew!), but he will now work for a new company. A company we know little about. He's being told that pay won't change (double whew!), but his health care will.

Our cycle, THIS cycle, is covered through HIS insurance.

Poor guy spent all day calling his insurance company. He knows we're kind of at the point of no return in this cycle, and wanted to have an answer for me before he had to tell me.

The good news?

We're covered on his existing plan until the end of November. We'll know the outcome of this cycle by then.

I feel bad for him. He really liked the company he was working for and felt like he had opportunity to move up within the company.

Whatever else happens, we'll deal with after this. My mind just can't process much else right now, you know?


Day 10 of Lup.ron tonight. Waiting on AF to show.

Will the Lup.ron delay my cycle?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Back to Reality.


I'm super relaxed, refreshed and tired.

We're home from our getaway. I'll update with pictures about the weekend soon.

In the meantime, 179 posts are waiting for me in my reader!

If there's something you want me to know ASAP, leave me a comment.

I'm off to catch up!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Lupron, Weekend Getaway, and an Award

I'm surviving the nightly Lup.ron shots, but I'm not sure my waist will.

It's not the needles that I'm worried about, but the expansion that I'm sure is on it's way. For the last 2 days, I have become SO hungry. Hungry for anything, but especially sweets. Even after eating a full meal, an hour later, my stomach is asking for something more.

Other than a few hot flashes and the hunger issue, I'm pretty side effect free, so far. (knock on wood)

M. and I are escaping the real world for the weekend. Yay! We're heading north, to wine country, for a kid free, re-connecting weekend.
I'm super excited.
By noon tomorrow, I hope to be hoping from winery to winery tasting and snacking my way through the wine trail. Add dinner with REAL non-child related conversation and I'm in heaven! On top of it, hubby decided that we deserved some pampering, as we enter the next 3 stressful weeks, and booked us a spa day for Sunday. We're slated for some Reiki, some massage, and a pedicure for me!

And to top it all off, gave me this award :)


Here are the rules:

1. you can only use one word!
2. pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. alert them that you have given them this award!
4. have fun!

The Fun Part:

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your hair? long
3. your mother? brave
4. Your father? alcoholic
5. Your favorite food? Italian
6. Your dream last night? nada
7. Your favorite drink? coffee
8. Your dream/goal? cakes
9. What room are you in? newsroom
10. Your hobby? scrapbooking
11. Your fear? failure
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren't? calm
15. Muffins? pumpkin
16. Wish list item? TV
17. Where did you grow up? Pennsylvania
18. Last thing you did? typed
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Your TV? CNN
21. Your pets? turtle
22. Friends? lots
23. Your life? good
24. Your mood? stressed
25. Missing someone? Mom
26. Vehicle? Saturn
27. Something you're not wearing? watch
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When was the last time you laughed? earlier
31. Last time you cried? CD1
32. Your best friend? cousin
33. One place that I go to over and over? mall
34. One person who emails me regularly? Patty
35. Favorite place to eat? Nicolinni's


Oh, and this is my 200th post! :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

One down...

Who knows how many to go!?!

I did it.

At 8:30, last night, M. and I prepared and successfully completed my first Lu.pron injection! It didn't hurt at all, of course, that could be from my extra padding around my belly ;)

I'm to continue the 10 units of Lu.pron daily, until I bleed. Then I'll call the RE, and we'll do a suppression check, and then we'll add in the stims.

Please, please let me be pretty side effect free...

I had a little uneasiness at the RE's office yesterday. My favorite nurse, Nurse Peppy, while drawing my blood, was going over the plan for the cycle. It was going fine, until I asked if I was to start Lu.pron, as long as the blood work showed ovulation. Then it took a strange turn...

Nurse: "You don't start Lu.pron tonight, you start the estrogen."
Photogrl: "Really? I thought I started it tonight."
Nurse: "No, you don't start it until I tell you to. This is a different protocol this time, remember?"
Photogrl: "Uhh...this is MY first IVF cycle!"

At this point, I realized that Nurse Peppy thinks that I am my sister. Crap. This is the last thing I need...I'm already super nervous about the fact that this might NOT work, I don't need to worry that they can't keep their patients straight! She laughed it off and apologized profusely but I still walked out of the office a little unnerved.

THIS is what I was worried about when little sis asked me for my RE's name.

When we're confused on the phone, I understand. We really do sound a lot alike. But to have my chart in front of you and ME sitting there, and you still can't keep us straight? I guess the good news is that my office does not do the retrieval or transfer. We have to travel to a larger "hub" in a bigger city for that.

You better believe I'm going to be questioning everything else from here out.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Getting Ready

In just about 24 hours from now, I will be giving myself my first Lu.pron shot.

After all these months of waiting, tears, rescheduling, and frustration, the time has finally come.

I spent some time tonight rereading the IVF packet from my RE's office. All the risks, procedures, side effects, and possible outcomes. Refreshed myself on how to do the injections and made sure all my meds are ready to go.

It's almost time.

Tomorrow morning, I go in for blood work.

No turning back now.