Monday, June 30, 2008

See, I'm A Good Sport...

I've only been blogging for just under a month, and I've been tagged to answer one of those question surveys. Thank you! And since I've only been around for such a short time, I might as well do it.

If nothing else, it'll help the two readers I have understand a little bit more about me, right? So, here we go...

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago, I was a fresh faced college grad, in the middle of my first real job. I worked in my chosen field all through high school and college...but in March of my senior year, I landed a job at a TV station! I had my 1st apartment and thought I was awesome. What could be better than saying, "Oh, I work at a Tee-Vee station."? Nevermind that I was just a studio camera operator, and making just above minimum wage...and that I ate and drank most of my meager paychecks away. Oh, and that apartment? It was a pitiful studio that barely had enough room for my bed, let alone any furniture.

2. What 5 things are on your to do list today?
Well, it's 8:40 at night, so most of my list is crossed off, but....
~Go to the gym
~Clean kitchen
~Drop off clothes to the consignment shop
~Pay bills,
~Scrapbook some vacation pics

3. What are some snacks you enjoy?
Popcorn, almonds, and carrots dipped in hummus.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
A billion dollars? Heck, I only need a couple hundred thousand to be happy! Obviously, I would pay off all my debt, probably buy a new house, and definately would help family and friends. I would also give a humungous amount to the
NOCC, or National Ovarian Cancer Coalition. My mom fought this horrible disease for 5 years before losing her battle to it. It is such a shame that with all the medical technology out there, so many women find out they have this cancer to late.

5. List the places you have lived:
Not a very exciting list...sorry!
~New Haven, CT
~Titusville, PA, birthplace of oil!

6. List the jobs you have held:
~Radio DJ
~Hardware store cashier
~News Photographer

7. List the people you'd like to know more about:
This is hard for a new blogger...uh, how about
her, and her.

So, there you have it. Now you know a little bit more about me!

Monday, June 23, 2008


I didn't get a chance to take a test, but if I had, it would have read "Negative".

On the bright side, I had my first semi-normal length cycle in over 2 years. On the not so bright side, I got my period the day after finding out that another friend was pregnant. M. tried to lift my spirits yesterday, as best he could...and I love him for it. No one else, except anyone who's suffered from IF, could understand the frustration, the despair, the self-loathing that comes with that time of the month.

It was a crazy, busy weekend. I put over 300 miles on my car in two days, and at $4 a gallon, spent some serious funds on gas. One wedding shower and a graduation party later, and I'm exhausted. I'm already looking for next weekend and the week has just begun.

I fell off the No-Dairy wagon this weekend, hard. And I loved every minute of it, just don't tell my acupuncture practitioner. ;) I have, at least since this morning, climbed back up on it.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Another Letter

I've been looking for a new job.

I had a job that I loved, then about six months ago, my company merged with a new company. The job I loved was yanked out from under me because I cost the company too much $. I stayed with the company in a new position, and took a pay cut. A big one. Like 25% of my income, big.

What does this have to do with a blog on secondary infertility? Let me explain.

I took the pay cut, the new position, because in my mind, that's what I needed to do to get pregnant. The job I loved was a very physically demanding job, my job now, not so much. I thought that it was a sign that I just needed to slow down, listen to my RE and viola, I'd get a sticky pregnancy.

That has not happened.

And I'm stuck in a job that I dislike greatly. What you gonna do? So, about three weeks ago I started actively job seeking. Sent out a few resumes and such. Haven't heard a peep from any thing. Until today.

I received my first rejection letter. *sigh* And, I don't think I'm pregnant, either.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I Don't Dare Hope

This morning my temp had a very nice rise. Alright, now what? I'm cautiously optimistic.

Acupuncture went very well...she is very impressed with my chart, even hinting that I might actually, you know, be pregnant.

Really? Could it even be possible? I was just told three weeks ago that the only way I would get pregnant would be IVF. Really?

My mind thought about the possibility the whole time the needles were in today. And I became utterly terrified. The last four pregnancies have not gone as planned...five pregnancies, one child. Not the best odds, you know?

I'm afraid to even hope that I might be. Because if I don't think I am, when I'm not, it won't hurt as much, right?

Monday, June 16, 2008

I Hate Temping.

I do. I'm currently 7DPO, or 7 days past ovulation.

I was SO happy with my chart this cycle...until this morning. My temperature, that has been climbing nicely, did the exact opposite. Why this bothers me so much, I don't know.

This is my first cycle unmedicated in over 5 months. I'm going to my 3rd acupuncture appointment tomorrow. I told myself that I wasn't going to be disappointed this month if "it" didn't happen.

We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

No Dairy???

After telling my RE that I was taking a break, I promptly made an acupuncture appointment.


Why not, was my thought process. I have let this whole infertility thing kinda take over my life. I sure could use the relaxation, if nothing else. She shocked me at the 1st appointment, though. She wants me to cut ALL dairy from my diet. What?

Yes, all dairy. Do you know how hard it is to cut dairy from you diet? You might as well kiss any kind of convenience food goodbye. Did you know that jarred spaghetti sauce has dairy in it?

But I'm willing to try anything at this point...and surprisingly, I'm not missing it that much. Although, I do love cheese...and it's a no-no right now. Strangely, I even feel less hungry. That could be the high 80's to low 90's temps outside to, I suppose.

I wonder how long I can keep this up?

Monday, June 9, 2008


I swam today.

I love the rhythm that comes with the laps. One, two, three, breathe. One, two, three, breathe. So peaceful. As a child, my mom started me swimming at age 5. Competitively, and I kept swimming until I was 20, and trying to navigate my sophomore year of college.

Now, twelve years later, and many, many pounds heavier I'm trying to find my pace again.

I wish I could find some of that peace on land.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

A Letter

I got a letter in the mail today from my Reproductive Endocrinologist, or RE.

I just met with him on Monday to discuss options. Options I didn't want to hear, because they will take us down another path that I didn't choose. Of course, he said IVF is the way to go. And I said, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Not that M. and I haven't discussed that IVF might be the next step, not that we're not open to it, not that we probably won't try it. It's just that I'm not ready yet. I've been pregnant 4 times in the last two and a half years...I just can't seem to stay pregnant. So, I politely told him that I needed a break...and walked out of the office.

I didn't expect a letter.

It's full of medical terms like, "unilateral tubal patency" and "greater follicular development", and my personal favorite, "unpredictable and inefficient approach". All of this stems from 4 failed Clomid cycles. Three of which, I only had left sided eggies...and left sided eggies with NO left tube = no IUI. To say I'm frustrated is putting it lightly!

So, thank you RE for putting everything I already know in writing, and making me loathe my body even more.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Here we go...

Welcome to "Not The Path I Chose".

I'm dipping my toe into this world of blogging...we'll see how it goes. Great, already not intentional.

I'll be blogging about my life, specifically about my secondary infertility, as my husband and I try to give our daughter a sibling.

Should be fun...