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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Game Over

The thick fog that settled on everything this morning should have been my first clue.

It was so dense, that I sat at the end of my street, for over 10 minutes, before I felt comfortable enough to pull out. You couldn't see intersections, or their lights, until you were right on top of them. It fit my mood to a "T". Gloomy, worried, and unsettled.

I had my blood drawn, joked with the staff, and made my way home.

By 9am it was over.

RE called, himself, again. "Can you talk?", he asked. That's when I knew. The news was not going to be good. My numbers came in today at 74. Yeah. Not good at all. In 4 days, they only rose 10 points.

Definitely not a viable pregnancy.

I'll go back for another draw on Friday. And a scan. We'll try to figure where this pregnancy is. Is it in my only remaining tube? Is it in the uterus, but just not developing right? So many questions, and no answers for any of them.

I feel broken. On many levels.
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28 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 17, 2009 at 10:20 AM

    Honey I am so sorry. There is still hope. Don't give up yet... I am still praying for you!
    Amber

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  2. Dan & HillaryMarch 17, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    Oh, no- not again... I know your brokenness and pain. I am so very sorry. Please keep banging on doors for answers.

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  3. ShelliMarch 17, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    Sigh.

    I won't sugar-coat it. Terrible news, and I know you know we are both on the same page.

    Thinking of you today and sending a virtual hug for the unfairness of it all.

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  4. Melis.saMarch 17, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    I'm so, so sorry. ((HUGS))

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  5. Joy@WDDCHMarch 17, 2009 at 2:39 PM

    My heart is breaking with you. I know nothing anyone says is enough but know that we all care and love you!

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  6. Becoming a Family of FourMarch 17, 2009 at 6:00 PM

    Oh no. My stomach just turned upside down for you. I know that phone call so well. It's an AWFUL feeling. :( Thinking of you!

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  7. christina(apronstrings)March 17, 2009 at 7:28 PM

    fvck. i am so sorry. so, so, sorry. i wish i could say something to make you feel better, but we both know that nothing would.
    you.deserve.better.

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  8. StacieMarch 17, 2009 at 8:58 PM

    Aw. I am so very, very sorry. Sending hugs your way.

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  9. KatieMarch 17, 2009 at 9:10 PM

    I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope it's not in your tube. Remember, together we make a full set. Hugs

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  10. CarrieMarch 17, 2009 at 9:12 PM

    Oh I am so sorry to hear this news. I am holding all good thoughts for you in my heart. I know how badly you want this, and it isn't fair that this is happening.

    I wish I could give you a big hug, a shoulder to cry on and a stiff drink, but all I can tell you is you are in my heart.

    Hugs,
    Carrie

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  11. red78taMarch 17, 2009 at 10:22 PM

    I'm so sorry :( (((hugs)))

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  12. Heather J. @ TLC Book ToursMarch 17, 2009 at 10:25 PM

    (((((hug)))))

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  13. CoffeegrljapanMarch 17, 2009 at 10:26 PM

    I'm so sorry - this cannot be news that is easy to take. So, so very sorry.

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  14. MaryMarch 17, 2009 at 10:38 PM

    Why do we have to go through this? My levels went up and then down and I miscarried today. For the third time. As you know I only have one tube as well. All I can say is that this really sucks. It's heartbreaking. I've been crying all day.
    If you want to talk feel free to email me...

    unicornuterus@gmail.com

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  15. TracyMarch 18, 2009 at 8:40 AM

    I am so sorry. It sucks so much!

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  16. KathyMarch 18, 2009 at 9:03 AM

    Oh no! I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))

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  17. SerenityMarch 18, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    I'm so sorry. Hugs.

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  18. J SweetMarch 18, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    I am so sorry. I was so excited for you and hoped for wonderful news.

    I am praying its not tubal. I am so so sorry sweetie. You've been so supportive of me. I wish I could do more. (((HUGS))

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  19. JuliaSMarch 18, 2009 at 12:17 PM

    I am so sorry - I know recurrent loss is painful, frustrating and exacting.

    Wishing you better than this . . .

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  20. AwkwardMomentsMarch 18, 2009 at 3:04 PM

    I saw the title and said a four letter word *in my head of course.

    I am so sorry. So very sorry

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  21. ArtblogMarch 18, 2009 at 3:57 PM

    Im broken for you, so so so sorry :(

    HUGS

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  22. MichelleMarch 18, 2009 at 7:45 PM

    I'm sorry. No matter how many times you go through it, it just doesn't get easier. My thoughts are with you.

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  23. AnonymousMarch 18, 2009 at 9:45 PM

    I am so sorry sweetie. HUGS! I will say additional prayers for you, M, and Miss O.

    Because you keep it real, I tagged you in my blog.
    The Unfair Struggle: "It's Honest Scrap!"

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  24. momofonefornowMarch 19, 2009 at 12:33 AM

    Oh no! I have been away for a few days and I was really hoping the news would be better. So, so sorry. I wish there was something that could be said to make it better. If such words exist, I don't know them. Sending you a sad hug.

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  25. ..alMarch 19, 2009 at 1:14 AM

    :(

    I am so sorry!

    There is nothing that I can say which will really reduce the pain.

    I am so sorry!

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  26. Susan SeneMarch 19, 2009 at 8:07 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear that :(

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  27. A n TMarch 19, 2009 at 8:51 AM

    Here from LFCA: (((hugs))) So sorry to hear about your loss. I've been in beta hell twice and its a horrible feeling!

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  28. K @ ourboxofrainMarch 19, 2009 at 10:24 PM

    I am so incredibly sorry. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete

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