I have no good reason for that.
As I walked my laps, I started to think about why. Why haven't I called my old co-worker, who I love to talk to? Why haven't I called my BFF from college? When was the last time I talked to them? Was it a time issue, or something deeper?
The closer I get to this cycle, the more I can feel myself pulling back.
I don't want to pick up the phone. I can't bring myself to send an email. Heck, I can't even get myself to send a text message! Basically, if I don't see you in my everyday life, I'm avoiding you. I don't know if avoiding is the right term, because if I ran into any of these friends, I would gladly spend some time catching up.
But the thought of explaining myself and my actions? Exhausting.
Some of it is probably myself being protective. I'm still on the fence on who to tell about the cycle, and who not to tell. In some ways, the less people I have to tell equals less pressure on M. and me, you know? I've always been a people pleaser, since the time I was little. I don't want to disappoint.
At the same time, I thrive on support.
I've never shied away from being open with our journey of IF. I'm always honest about our losses and this struggle. Always willing to talk about my experiences, feeling that if I can help one person not feel lonely in their journey, then I've helped someone.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
So, do you ever feel like you want to just stay in your house and not see the world? Or a least hide from your friends?
What do you do to get over it?