For this week's Show and Tell, I thought I'd let you in on a little secret....
This is my linen closet. I am so fortunate to have a built in, including drawers. Looks fine, right?
Here's a closer look...
Yep, here's the secret. Shh...don't tell anyone. Miss O. is going to be 5 in March and I still have a drawer dedicated to her as a baby. In here resides all the hooded towels, small washclothes, burp clothes, and bibs. *Hangs head in shame*
Everytime I've thought about cleaning it out, I just couldn't do it. This drawer has such control over my mental well being. Because as unrational as it is, I've felt that if I clean it out, I'm giving up. Giving up hope that I will be blessed with another baby.
This weekend I finally faced those fears head on. I got a box out and emptied the entire drawer. It wasn't as painful as I expected. I did cry, and I'm not sure what to do with the box, but it's done.
I'm sure it won't take long to fill the drawer back up, right?
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Wanna see what everyone else is showing? Click here.
I sold a bunch of things awhile back. I have allowed myself one bin. One bin of hope. But, we're still TTC #1
ReplyDeleteI get it. When I got home from the hospital after we lost our boys, I had a dresser and closet full of maternity clothes. And I just couldn't deal. I couldn't even look at them. For weeks, maybe even months, I just didn't open the dresser. I borrowed clothes from my husband. I couldn't bear to put on a maternity shirt, but none of my old clothes fit yet. I finally dragged a huge box up from the basement a few weeks ago and put all of my maternity things in it. I'm not selling them, I'm not giving up hope that I'll get to live that dream again...but I don't need to see them every day, either. I hope you get to unpack your box of hopes some day, too! Thanks for sharing it with us.
ReplyDeleteIt must have taken such strength and resolve to pack the stuff away.
ReplyDeleteMay you have reason to get it back out again soon.
(((hug)))
what a brave thing to do. Clearly it was the right time to do this - we all have our own ways of dealing with things.
ReplyDeletehow scary. I hope you get to pull those things out of storage soon.
ReplyDeletePutting things in a box does not mean you're giving up. Besides which, after 5 years, you might want new stuff anyway. :)
ReplyDelete((HUGS)) I'm glad it wasn't as painful for you as you thought it was going to be. I'm sorry it was painful for you at all, though. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your day,
-D
Hope you need to bring the box back out soon.
ReplyDeleteI have the same issue. I literally have 30+ boxes of baby jazz that people have asked me for and I am absolutely unwilling to surrender to the possibility that I will never need them again.
ReplyDeleteBesides, how rude is it to ask someone to give you their babies stuff when they didn't offer it to you? I would never do that!
I hope you'll have to dig it out soon.
ReplyDeleteAwww...I hope you have to take out the stash again, soon!
ReplyDeleteOh thats tough. Hope it isn't too long before you get to put them back in the drawer.
ReplyDeletethat's hard. but it seems like you are taking a bit of control? you know, it doesn't feel like it, but that drawer has nothing to do with *your* second child. xoxo
ReplyDeleteFor the longest time, I put everything from kiddo in the attic, planning to pull it out when I needed it for #2. Years went by, no #2. I gave some things to my sister when her first son was born, then more when her second son was born. Just last year when kiddo was turning 6 I realized that there would be no #2. I got rid of lots of stuff, but kept a few outfits and other special items. He'll be seven soon, and I just realized there are still baby blankets - including his crib blanket - in a drawer in his room.
ReplyDeleteThis is a REALLY hard thing to do. I know, I've been there. I admire you for doing what you did, even though it was painful. And even more because you're not sure about that #2 yet - you're still working on it, still hoping. I couldn't get rid of stuff until we weren't trying anymore (in fact, until we were almost a year past that decision), until we weren't hoping.
I'm sending a big hug your way (((hug))) - hope you're doing ok today.
I've kept most of my daughters baby stuff (whose now 8) in hope for another. Recently I did give one of my sister some of her newborn clothes that I got as gifts and weren't my favorites anyway.
ReplyDeleteIt so hard to let go of the dream of someday being able to use the stuff again. I totally get that.
I've got the drawer too. It's all those same things (burp cloths, washcloths, hoodie towels, etc), and my dd is almost 4. I also have the boxes in the attic, but this drawer is in her room. I'm going to try to take your resolve and make it mine and go get a box, because packing doesn't mean giving up. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI totally get it too. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteAfter struggling with secondary infertility, pregnancy loss and neonatal death over the past 4 1/2 years, I have certainly wondered at times why we are still keeping all this stuff... However, it is just so hard to give it away/let go.
Recently we finally gave away some of our 5 year old son's toys from when he was a toddler, as my husband assured us if we ever needed such things again we could just buy them. However there is still a lot we have held on to, just in case.
I am proud of you for cleaning out the drawer, but also hope that you will need to get the stuff out again someday. Take care and hang in there.
(ICLW #24)