A full weeks back, I wrote about how I was going to try and take on some healthy lifestyle changes. "I want to lose weight," I wrote. And I meant it. I really see an IVF cycle in the near future for us, and I want to give it the best chance of being successful.
The first week went great. I counted my points, made it to the gym three times and was rewarded with a quick 5 pound loss. Yay! But in the second week, I caught a nasty cold, felt exhausted, and could barely function. By the time I felt good enough to eat, I was ravenous. Points went out the window for the third week, as did the gym. With temperatures in the single to negative digits, I didn't want to take Miss O. out anymore than I had to in the weather.
That brings us to this week.
When I weighed in on Monday, my weight is the exact amount it was four weeks ago. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I might actually be heavier than I was at the beginning of January. I've spent the last two days thinking about how I wasted the last four weeks. I'm about five weeks out from calling the RE to talk options, and I've lost nothing.
And that's when it hit me. I haven't stuck to my diet or exercise because I didn't WANT to.
That's right, I didn't WANT to.
Why? Because if I lose the weight, call the RE, and go ahead with the plan, I could be midst of my first IVF cycle by April. And I could be devastated by a BFN by that time, too.
Weight loss = IVF cycle. No weight loss = NO chance of failure.
Sick, isn't it?
As I write this, eating a plate full of veggies, I feel like I can move forward. I CAN do this. I went to the gym on Monday, and I made it 2 miles on the treadmill. This fat girl even ran for 5 minutes without stopping. I've made pretty good decisions, so far, on the food front, too.
After all, if I cheat, I'm only cheating myself of that chance of having another baby.
On the 2WW front, the closer my testing date gets, the less positive I feel.
Other than a super sensitive sniffer, I've got NO symptoms.
I'll test Friday, if the old witch doesn't show before then.