Saturday, September 6, 2008

Explaining My Title, Part Three

Opened up the mailbox today. Out popped a coupon exclaiming, "Your Child is 24 months old."

Yeah, not so much.


And the most obvious explanation of my title has to do with M. and I trying to conceive a sibling for Miss. O.

We started TTC #2 in September of 2005. Miss O. was eighteen months old because we wanted our children to be close in age. Ha ha. Boy, was I wrong in thinking I could control that!

But there was a problem. It's pretty hard to conceive a child when you are not menstruating at ALL. I had stopped breastfeeding when Miss O. was nine months old. Nine months later, no sign of AF. I went to the OB and he said, "Not a problem. Prov.era and Clo.mid are just what you need." His thought was that my hormones were still wacky, and Clo.mid would straighten everything out.

I took it for 2 cycles. M. and I were over the moon when we found out we were pregnant in January of 2006. We had the ultrasound at 8 weeks and everything looked good. A due date of September 15th was given and off we went. Two weeks later, I started spotting on a Sunday night. By the time I got into the Dr. office Monday morning, I knew that I was not going to be having this baby in September.

That's how M. and I ended up at the hospital the day before Valentine's day, and I had a D&C.

Afterwards, I just felt so empty and sad. After researching miscarriage on Dr. Google, I was shocked to realize that perhaps 25% of pregnancies end in early miscarriage. So, we chalked it up to being a one time thing.

Boy, were we wrong.

After a three month wait, we got the go ahead to try again. BFN after BFN, crushed my hope of giving Miss O. a sibling. The end of September came, and yet another BFN. Couldn't believe it.

Then the unthinkable happened. I woke up early one Saturday morning in October 2006, in extreme pain. My abdomen felt like I was having contractions. The pain came in waves. Four hours later in an ER, I found out that I was pregnant. But it was in my tube. I was sent in to emergency surgery and lost my left tube.

Loss #2 and the loss of a tube.

That took a while to get through. But I climbed back up on that TTC horse and kept going. In 2007, I had a pregnancy of unknown location. That took two metho.trex.ate shots and 6 weeks of blood draws to be called over. And a chemical last November.

So, here I am. Five pregnancies, one living child.

Not the path I chose.


  1. Ough, So wrong. I am very very sorry for your losses

  2. you know, all of that is just too frekain much to bear. too much. i am so sorry. i hoepy our luck will change soon.

  3. I don't know if they have this where you are - in the UK there's a Baby Mailing Preference service where you can register and get baby-related companies to stop mailing you things.

    (IComLeavWe commenter)