Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Showers & Cookies

This last weekend, I attended a bridal shower for my girlfriend from college. I'm so excited for her, but I dread bridal showers, or baby showers for that matter. I go out of respect, but seldom do I enjoy these events. My girlfriend's started innocently enough...but as the minutes ticked by the more uncomfortable I became. After we snacked a little, played a game, had some cake, and watched the opening of the happened. I knew it was only a matter of time. I was surrounded by people who know me, but most don't know about our secondary IF problem. It never fails, the room grew quiet, and someone asked the question.

"So, are you going to have more children?"

I swear EVERY head in the room turned to hear my answer. I looked around, crawled under the table, took a deep breath, and answered as politely as I could, "I would love to be blessed with more." Inside, though, I was furious. Why? I know this seems like an innocent enough question to anyone who has not struggled to have children. I know that most people don't know my struggle, but honestly, this is not something you should ask as small talk, you know?

Sometimes I wish I was bolder. I wish I could respond the way I do inside my head. I often wonder what people would say if I responded with, "we've been's not working out well." or "I've had 5 pregnancies and I only have Olivia here." What about, "it's none of your business whether M. And I are planning on having more children!"


I spent this morning baking 12 dozen cookies for my sister's wedding. My house smells incredible. The cookies are a Swedish recipe, called Pepparkakars. Basically, a very, very thin gingerbread-like cookie. Mmm...I love them with a cup of coffee. Crispy and gingery.

They remind me of Christmas time, my mother would always include them as one of the many Christmas cookies she would bake. I cried a little this morning, while I was rolling out the dough. It doesn't seem fair, that this Saturday, my sister will be walking down the aisle without my mom. She would have been making all the cookies for the wedding. She would have been staying with me this whole week to help out. Olivia would have sat next to her at the reception...

I know that she will be on my mind, more than usual, over the next few days.

I love you, Mom.


  1. I'm so sorry you were put on the spot at that shower. I would have been so p*ssed, especially since it was uncomfortable in the first place! I hate those things too. Another blogger I read posted about this just yesterday, and she has also miscarried quite a bit...


  2. Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry you were put on the spot too. It sucks that first we go through all of this struggle to have a baby, and then people ask these personal questions without realizing how painful it is. I too wish I had the courage to be more honest with my answers.

    I wish I could say out loud, I am a mother of four...It makes me sad that I feel like I have to hide my other babies.

    wishing you all the best and more babies ((hug))

  3. Sorry you had such a rough day. I came up with a few response that I use in this type of situation, in case you're interested ...


    They say: "Hey, when are you going to have another kid? What are you waiting for?"

    I say: "Wow, wouldn't it be wonderful if it were that easy?"


    To be honest, I haven't had to use that line in what feels like years. Once I use it, I don't get that question again from the same people.

  4. I think you answered as well as you could, without being rude. If you say "we're trying" then you just open yourself up to inane advice, and more invasive questions.
    Thatt's really sweet of you to make all those cookies for your sister's wedding. I'm so sorry that your mom won't be there.

  5. I feel for you. I know I am not in the same situation (anymore) but I wanted to let you know I remember like it was yesterday how it can all really suck... the questions, TTC, all of SIF.

    Hang in there as best you can, and I'm glad you have your sister's wedding to look forward to. Did you recently lose your mom?