About 3 months ago, right after a BFN (big fat negative) pregnancy test, when I was feeling really bad about the weight I had gained with Clomid...I had an "A-ha" moment. I thought to myself, I need to exercise more. My next thought was I want to do a triathlon. Crazy? I think I am.
Little background, I am a BIG girl. Like size 18 big. Over two years ago, after having Miss O, I worked really, really hard to lose 75 pounds. I weighed about 30 pounds less than I did when I conceived Miss O. I felt good about myself and my body. If you've struggled with IF & loss, it's hard to be proud of your body...and for about a year and a half I was proud of my body. Then came the ectopic pregnancy that robbed me of my left tube, then two more miscarriages...which landed me in an RE's office.
Since December, when at the RE's advice, I started Clomid...I have gained twenty pounds. That's right, 20 pounds! It's a combo of the drug, not eating well, and not exercising enough. I tend to eat for comfort and every cycle that was a failure, well, let's just say I wasn't eating veggies!
So, I have been training for the triathlon for about six weeks now...I'm in the homestretch now, as the race is July 19th. Two weeks from Saturday. My only goal is to finish it. If I can do it, somehow in my messed up mind, I can maybe start to love my body again.
Whether or not I have a second child.
AHh, you sound just like me, though I only lost 60 lbs, and the weight loss was precipitated by a really bad New Year's Eve photo of myself. I'm totally a big girl, too (like size 18...), and people look at me weird when I say that I'm training for a running event. I've had a ton of setbacks, so even though I'm in my 7th week of training, I'm stuck somewhere between week 3 and 4 difficulty-wise because of my craptastic lungs. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteAh, well. Thanks for the recommendation on the running bra. I'm totally going to check them out.
I'm a new reader, but I say GOOD FOR YOU! Before beginning IF treatments last Fall, I had worked VERY hard to go from a size 18/20 to a size 12 in about a year. I had tried my WHOLE LIFE to lose weight and it NEVER worked, so it was like something finally clicked. And it was amazing to finally feel GOOD about myself, so I completely understand what you're going through and I just wanted to say KUDOS to you!
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