Wednesday, February 25, 2009

To Call Or Not To Call

That is the question.

About 9 months ago, M. and I decided to take an RE break. After 4 failed cycles, only 1 of which we managed to do an IUI, I was discouraged. I felt like I had lost myself and was only focusing on what I didn't have, instead of enjoying what I did. Coming to that decision was hard and the focus of many long discussions between us. The doc had pretty much told us that IVF was our best option and I was not ready to hear that. How could that be? I'd managed to get pregnant 4 times in two years, obviously I didn't need him.

One month later, I was going to acupuncture once a week, changed my whole diet, and was convinced that I would be pregnant sooner rather than later. By mid-October, I was starting to worry...and when November came and went with NO positive pregnancy tests, I freaked. It had been one full year since I'd seen those beautiful 2 lines. M. calmed me down and reminded me that we were just fine, and we'd continue to try on our own until March.

Why March? Well, March was the "date" we put out there.

I'm one of those people who needs to have a game plan. I'm not highly organized, but I always seem to deal with things better when I have a plan. The more I know about something, the more likely I can keep myself rational. It's a blessing and a curse. Because we all know that Dr. is not usually a friend. But for me, that's how I deal with stress.

So, yeah. March is 3 days away. 3 days away.

M. and I started to discuss when to make the call last night. Of course, this lead to us discussing whether we're ready for the possibility of IVF. There are so many variables right now. Is it the right time? Should we be doing this with the economy so crappy? Can we deal with the emotional investment? What if it fails? The list goes on and on. The one thing we keep coming back to is money. Doesn't everyone? But I remember my mother always said, "If you wait until you have enough money to have kids, you'll NEVER have them." Granted, she just meant starting a family, in general, but honestly, it still makes sense when you're talking about fertility treatments, too.

For as far as I can tell, I'm currently smack in the middle of a cycle. I'm pretty sure I ovulated earlier this week. We've decided to wait and see if this cycle brings a miracle. Who knows?

But you can bet that I'll be calling that RE on cycle day 1, if it doesn't.


  1. Sending you Lots of bloggy Love and support!
    I agree with the MIL, It relates to this screwy economy too.

  2. yay for almost March!!!

    here's hoping for your miracle!

    I agree though, if in 20 years you'd be upset that you didn't try it, i'd do it. You can always make more money, you can't get these years back :)


  3. You am I have had similar if not almost identical paths, but you know that.

    All the stops and starts, the (mostly) spontaneous pregnancies w/o RE assistance, then the breaks (forced or otherwise), the IUI's and IVF (the IVF just to put to bed that my eggs really did suck)....

    Each decision to move forward is really a leap of faith and money. At the end of the day, four years and five losses was what it took for me to say F^&* it, I'm all in. Money is just money, and whatever we lose, we lose... at least I won't spend the rest of my life regretting I didn't fork out the cash for a possibility of a dream.

    For you, it may be different... BUT if you think for even a moment that you might regret NOT doing it, DO IT. ;-)

  4. It's so scary for so many reasons. Lots of love going out to you. At least you're one more person out there who's not saying stupid things to infertiles. (goodness knows there's enough of them) Good luck.

  5. Funny my MIL gave us the same advice too awhile back... Anyway, add me to the chorus of people that agree that IVF is worth trying. Having done it to conceive Molly, even though we lost her, I think it was worth it.

    I totally get wanting/needing to have a plan. We had one for this year until we got our miracle last month(though it is still so early in our pregnancy, that we are very catious). So I am hoping, believing and praying that this month might bring you a miracle and if not, supporting you in calling that RE on CD! :)

  6. Maybe you'll have your LUCKY St. Paddy's Day charm and get a BFP?! My fingers are crossed!!!

  7. Best of luck with this cycle. If you do decide to make the call I hope it goes smoothly!