Tuesday, August 12, 2008

A Little Ray Of Hope

I have been exhausted. Bone tired, even after eight hours of sleep. I've been nodding off in the middle of the day, if I sit down.

Today at my acupuncture appointment, she took my pulse, and announced, "You are either really healthy, or you are carrying a boy!" OK, so even if I AM pregnant, there is NO way it's even been determined what I'm carrying to the little bean itself. But, I must admit, I'm hoping that she's at least right about me being pregnant.

Then a little voice from the back of my mind speaks up. Taunting me with all the reasons why I'm not pregnant. Scolding me for believing that she could even tell through a pulse. Reminding me that I've had my hopes up before, only to have them crushed with a gush of crimson.

But I want to believe. I need to hope.

Even if I am pregnant, I will not be able to breathe. Too many losses over the last three years. But even with the losses, I'm always excited when I see those two lines. It is such a beautiful sight, even though it's no guarantee of a baby at the end. How can you not be excited? Excited, but guarded...cautiously optimistic, I always say.

Saturday, I will know by Saturday.


  1. Fingers crossed for Saturday! I know you don't want to count your chickens so early, but it sounds very promising :)

  2. Oh, I am testing Saturday too! I hope this is it for you!

  3. i had a hard time being excited about this pregnant. bc i had m/c ed so many times. but, now i am 36 weeks and there's nothing to say that you won't be soon.