I was wrong.
The truth is I'm tired. Really tired. Taking a nap twice a day tired.
My mind is going a mile a minute with things that need to be done, yet I can't seem to get off the couch. I guess that's okay, as I'm supposed to rest. It's just frustrating for me.
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Saturday was a really rough day.
It was the first day that Miss O. was with me all day, therefore being stuck at home, ALL day long.
She did really well the first part of the day, watching TV, playing barbies, entertaining herself. After lunch, we played a few board games, some Wii, and she colored a little.
Then 4 o'clock hit.
All she wanted to do was go outside and play. It was SO hot this weekend. I tried to explain that Mommy needed to stay inside. She didn't want to hear it.
She ended up in tears.
I ended up in tears.
It was the first time this entire pregnancy that I felt like I was taking something away from her...that she was suffering because of M. and my choice to expand our family.
Ouch.
I wasn't ready for the feelings of inadequacy that bubbled up. That I couldn't be the Mom she wanted, needed me to be. Doubt started to creep in...what have we done?
As I was sobbing on the couch, M. called to check on us from work. He listened to my blubbering and told me it would be okay.
Five minutes after we hung up, he called back to tell me to get Miss O. ready to go to the park. He had called his mother and she was coming to take Miss O. for dinner and some fun.
I am SO lucky to have such a loving husband.
Miss O. had a great evening, and I spent the few hours reading without worry.
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Headed in to see the doctor yesterday...
Blood pressure was 112 over 75. Yay!
Lost 3 pounds in the last week, probably water weight, as I'm not nearly as swollen as I was.
Had an ultrasound, babies looked great and were estimated to weigh 3 pounds, 9 ounces, and 3 pounds 10 ounces. I was SO happy with that! Surprisingly, they have both changed up their positions...Baby A has been head down for at least the last 2 months, she's now in a breech position. Baby B has moved from being breech on my left side, back to laying across, or transverse the top of my uterus.
I guess sitting on my butt is paying off...I'm still shooting for 38 weeks and 6 pound babies!
I was exhausted with one so I can't imagine two - take those naps! You are doing hard work even though you feel like you are just "laying" there, you need those naps. Your body is HARD at WORK.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Grandma was able to take her to the park and give you a rest emotionally. Be gentle with yourself. You aren't being a bad parent because you can't take her outside even if you feel that way.
So glad your MIL was able to help out and rescue both of you.
ReplyDeleteKeep on resting up. Sounds like it's paying off in a great way!
I felt that way my first and third trimester!! I wasn't really able to get much done because of the anemia and the tiredness. I just felt so drained.
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say is enjoy resting while you can ;) those twins will be here before you know it and then BAM--no rest for you ;)
Maybe you could arrange for someone to come and take O out to play a few times a week for a few months? That would be so helpful!
Oh pet, you poor thing, I can imagine the conflicting feelings you have at the moment, but you are doing everything possible for Miss O also! And she'll have to share your attention anyway when the babies will be here. It will be ok. Much love, Fran
ReplyDeleteYea, I don't really have that much energy either. Back in February we had tons of snow days and I was antsy and bored. Now I'm pretty much ok with sitting around. Although, those first few weeks of bedrest I did order the rest of the stuff we needed for the babies and got organized. Now that the babies' room is done, it's all good!
ReplyDeleteI'm not really a napper, but I've been sleeping from 10 to like 9 or 10 on a regular basis! Of course this is crappy sleep because my whole body aches and I have to get up every couple of hours to readjust and/or pee. Sometimes I take a Tylenol, I'm so achy.
Miss O will adjust. I'm sure she'll be a great big sister. And how awesome are your husband and mom to entertain her!
That was awesome of your DH to call your MIL to help out. I hope you have more solid naps ahead :) WOOT WOOT about the babies!!
ReplyDeleteSo basically while you are lying there resting, you can just imagine your belly twice the size it is now and that way it will help you envision your goal. :) We're all rooting for you!!!
ReplyDeleteOhhh, I am sorry you had a rough moment. I get scared to even try for a 2nd, scared I will take away time that the 1st needs from me. It is hard, but I think EVERY Momma feels that way, right or wrong. It will all work out!
ReplyDeleteRest relax and pamper yourself!
I'm sorry things were so rough with Miss O, but very glad your MIL was able to step in and help out. It makes me wish I lived closer to any of the grandparents!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, the exhaustion is something else. I try not to nap these days, because lately, I fall asleep later and later in the evening when I nap, and I have a hard enough time sleeping through the night with all of the aches, etc. BUT, I am NEVER successful at avoiding the afternoon nap, even if I sleep late in the morning as well. Sigh. I'm just pleased to sleep at all, but I always wake up cranky and hurting when I nap (or in the morning, too, I guess), so I hate napping, 'cos it just makes more hours in the day when my hands and hips and legs hurt. Grr.
Good news from the doctor! I'm glad your BP was nice and low, and I'm glad the babies were looking healthy and happy! Good, good news!
I hear you about the tiredness. I, too, feel like I'm taking something away from E when I tell her I can't do something because of the babies. She is older and understands but I still feel guilty. It is so nice to have a good support system ;-) I'm glad your appointment went well and the babies are doing great!
ReplyDeleteThere are so many days I had to say NO to going outside while pregnant or with a newborn (she was born late fall so of course it was too cold to go out with her). They got over it; don't second guess yourself!
ReplyDeleteAwwww...M is so nice and so I MIL for coming over.
ReplyDeleteGlad the rest is helping everybody!
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