And The Hits...

...they just keep coming.

I'm in shock.

Angry.

Shamed.

Scared.

Sad.

Furious.

All at the same time.

This time, it isn't about me. It's my little sister.

My only sis, who hasn't even been married a year. My sister, who came to me with worries of infertility. And I shrugged her off, telling her that she was young, that it wouldn't be a problem for them. Even worse, I was ticked. I was convinced, in my mind, that she would be pregnant before I could conceive and carry another child. I told her not to worry, that at her age, no doc would look at them until they were trying for a year.

I feel horrible for so much that I didn't say, but thought over the last few months. I'm so ashamed.

About two months ago, she mentioned that her husband had finally given a sample to be tested.

The sperm sample came back low. Really low. Like almost a zero count.

They waited a month. Consulted with my RE, Dr. Hope. I'm not proud of myself, but I was not happy that they were seeing my RE. Selfishly, I felt like she was encroaching on my territory. I told her not to worry, the next sample would be better. I tried to keep hope alive.

Another sample was given. Still a zero count.

They were shuffled off to a urologist recommended by my RE. More blood work, an ultrasound. Last week, her husband underwent multiple biopsies to see if there were usable sperm in his tissue.

Today they had their follow up appointment.

She called me just as I was leaving work today and asked if I could come over to his parents house. I could tell something was wrong, but I never could have imagined what. I was actually a little short with her on the phone. I don't like to not know what I'm walking into, and I selfishly thought that she wanted me to come and explain some things about IVF. To his parents. I was so wrong.

He has tes.tic.ular can.cer.

Life is not fair.