Still Here & Pictures

"Yes, I'm still at home."

"Yes, the babies aren't here yet."

"Yes, we're still aiming for the July 14th date." (Of course, my doctor might feel otherwise...I think she's taking it appointment by appointment at this point.)

Wow, I can't tell you how many times I've said those phrases since Friday. I don't remember it being like this with Miss O. and she was a week late!

On Sunday, I nested. Well, I nested as much as you can from a recliner with a bottle of water in one hand! Poor M., I was his "supervisor", telling him everything that needed to get done NOW and how I wanted it done. He was a great sport, and got almost everything on my list crossed off.

We were going to finish up Monday morning, but instead most of the day was spent up in Labor & Delivery again. I woke up feeling really crampy, nauseous, and swollen. I was also concerned that the babies were quite quiet, which is unusual in the morning. When nothing let up after a few hours, I broke down and called the doctor. She sent me straight up for another NST and some blood work. Babies looked great, of course. Surprisingly, I was having contractions. Not really big ones, not enough to change my cervix, but contractions, none the less. After about 3 hours of laying down in triage, my blood work came back okay and I was released to home. I have to head in to see my doctor in about an hour, so we'll see what she has to say.

I've been wanting to share some of the photographs that my friend took...if you stuck around this long, rambling post you deserve to see them!

I really wanted a family picture...I think this is my favorite!

Miss O. hugging the babies!

LOVE.

Fun with blocks!

A Trip To L&D

Well, what a fun day...

I'm home and the babies are still baking...thank goodness.

M. and I weren't sure that would be the case, in fact, we were told that we might be saying "Happy Birthday"!

I headed in for my doctor's appointment this morning with Miss O. in tow. My blood pressure was up, I gained almost 3 pounds since Tuesday, and I was still spilling protein, again. Enough to have my doc send me straight to labor & delivery for a NST and blood work. Her final words to me, "You're 36 weeks today, I'm not going to hesitate to take these babies at this point.".

After calling M., and having a quick cry, we headed home to meet him and head up to the hospital. Once there, they strapped on the monitors, drew some blood, and took my pressure. The babies looked good on the monitors and my BP wasn't nearly as high as at the office, and best of all my blood work came back okay!

I don't think I've ever been so happy to be discharged! I just wasn't ready to have these babies today. I really want them to have at least another week to grow and chunk up, you know?

More resting at home was ordered, and I will do just that...

Tick Tock

Time.

It's such a fluid thing.

Minutes can creep by, while hours sometimes pass in the blink of an eye.

The last few days, I've alternated between wanting to meet these two little ones and begging for them to have more time inside of me.

When they are both moving around, kicking, I try to store away every movement, how it feels in a little corner of my brain. Let's face it, this is probably the last time I'll ever be pregnant...I want to memorize every feeling, store the memories away for later.

Pain changes my perspective.

When the heartburn, lower back aches, or pelvic pain kicks in, I find my mind thinking about the end. I imagine holding the two of them in my arms, looking at their sweet little faces. I look forward to having my body back as my own...not that it's going to look the same, but to have control over it. I want to see my feet, wear my wedding rings, have a cup of coffee, if I so desire.

I can't control time, and I'm sure once they are here I'm going to feel the same way. Some days I'll want to fly by and others I'll want to freeze and keep forever.

Either way, it won't be long now...

Thoughts, Twin Belly, and Happiness

I can't believe I haven't posted since earlier this week...being that I'm home, on bed rest, I really don't have a good excuse.

Other than the fact that I'm tired and cranky.

I've managed to successfully pass my blood pressure checks on both Tuesday and Friday at the hospital when I went in for my NST's. Whew! The babies somewhat cooperated both days, and Miss O. and I were home in under 3 hours. My body, sadly, is starting to protest walking from the parking ramp, across the pedestrian bridge, through the hospital to the elevator, up 7 floors and then around the corner to labor & delivery, though.

The dreaded pelvic pain is back, in full force.

Upon my feet hitting the floor, the pressure of these babies is unreal! Up until this point, I felt like this pregnancy wasn't much different than carrying Miss O. I take that back.

It is way different than carrying one baby.

Getting up from a laying down position to sit or stand is comical. I try to move my legs together, as to NOT split them apart, trying to stave off the sharp, shooting pain that accompanies such movement. I then try to quickly swing myself upright, as to endure as little discomfort as possible. Sometimes it works, other times I literally slither off the side of the bed, where I rest before psyching myself up to stand up.

And don't get me started on walking...

Anything more than a shuffle/waddle and the pain is enough to take my breath away. I just want to cry.

I'm amazed at what my body is doing growing these two little ones, but I'm worried that it's giving me signs that it might be about done with carrying them.

Today, I'm celebrating that we have hit the 35 weeks mark! No matter how bad I feel, the babies are still growing inside me, getting stronger everyday!

Last night, M. started playing around with the belly shots we've taken so far this pregnancy. I'm hoping he'll have to add a few more, but I thought it was really cute!

I should be getting my maternity pictures we took last Sunday tomorrow, I can't wait to see them!

Finally, my heart is filled with such joy for 2 fabulous bloggers who were blessed with the births of their twins this week. Kate welcomed 2 gorgeous little boys and PJ finally met her 2 beautiful girls! I'm so happy for both of them!

Rest, Rest, and REST!

Headed in this morning for my 34 week appointment...

I was concerned going in because I seemed to be more bloated than normal, but the last 2 days of heat and humidity hasn't been helping.

Surprisingly, I lost a couple of pounds again. Then the nurse took my pressure...129 over 88...not good again. Doctor stopped in and wanted to know how I was feeling. Thanks to my honesty about the amount of pelvic pressure and cramping I've been feeling, I earned myself an internal exam. The good news, just mushy, no dialation! She left me to rest for about 10 minutes and the nurse came in and rechecked my pressure. Even worse at 136 over 98! She put me on my left side and told me to think about the beach. After another wait, we rechecked the pressure again, back to 128 over 86...not good, but much better than the middle reading!

No protein in the urine saved me from them doing anything else today. Whew!

I have to head in tomorrow morning for my NST, and they will recheck my pressure again. The doctor hinted that if it's up again, she'll have them draw bloodwork there and I might be seeing the end of my "modified" bedrest orders. She also told me to go home and rest more...only getting up to use the bathroom when needed.

Here's hoping tomorrow brings much better pressures!

In other news, we now have a date for meeting the twins! If they don't decide to make their appearance earlier, or my blood pressure doesn't start behaving, we've scheduled my caesarean for July 14th...I'll be almost 39 weeks.

I really want them to bake for at least another 2 weeks, my next goal of 36 weeks...fingers crossed!

Is there anything I can do other than resting, watching my sodium intake, and drinking water to help control my pressure???

Come on weekend!

It seems funny to say I'm looking forward to the weekend, when I'm not currently working, but I really am!

M. still has to work on Saturdays, but he doesn't have to be in until the afternoon. I'm ready to enjoy a nice, relaxing morning with him and Miss O. and maybe some doughnuts! ;)

One of my close friends has offered to take some maternity pictures of me, along with M. and Miss O. I'm SO excited for Sunday. She's just starting out, but it will be totally free and I have some say in them! I already purchased some wooden blocks...I want to do a shot with just my belly and the blocks spelling out "twins". It'll be nice to have a family picture taken, too...it's been way too long since we've had one done.

Finally, I don't know how I missed it, but I just passed my 2nd blogiversary on June 6th! I'm SO thankful to each and everyone of you for your wonderful comments and tons of support you've given to me over the last 2 years. I really don't think I would have EVER been brave enough to give IVF a shot, without the support and experiences of the IF community.

If you've stuck around to make it through this random post, I'll reward you with a belly shot...it's a week late, but better late than never, right?

Feeling Loved

After such a whiny post, I feel the need to explain that not everything is horrible...

Over the last few weeks, I've been shocked at people's kindness and how excited they are for this new journey that M., Miss O. and I are on.

Here's a list of some of the awesome things friends & family have done for us...

• A co-worker brought me 3 books to read, plus Season 1, 2, and 3 of Se.x In The Ci.ty
• 2 of my cousins, and an aunt put together an I.kea dresser for the nursery
• Another friend brought me a bunch of magazines to read
• For Memorial Day, my family traveled to my house to picnic with us, and I didn't have to do a thing!
• Another co-worker brought a casserole over which we'll be having for dinner tonight!
• A long time friend held a diapers & wipes shower for us last Sunday, again here at the house. She brought food, hosted, and cleaned everything up!
• My MIL went to Miss O.'s last day of school picnic yesterday, took lots of pictures and brought them over for me to download and enjoy!
• Family held a shower for us in April where everyone was WAY too generous, but it is very appreciated.
• 2 friends picked me up last Wednesday and took me out to dinner...shh! Don't tell the doctor...LOL.
• Numerous people have offered to come clean, cook, do whatever I need.

I am just amazed at the outpouring of love for us. I'm trying to not use everyone right now, as I know I'm going to need much more help once the babies are here!

On Being A Whiner

...or what has become of me.

Over the years of struggling to get AND stay pregnant, I often pleaded in my prayers that I wouldn't take it for granted, I would do anything to give Miss O. a sibling, and I would promise NOT to whine about how uncomfortable I would become.

I don't know what I was thinking...

The last few days have been rough for me. I seem to have morning sickness again, to the point that I threw up my breakfast the last 2 days...lovely, no? Being on modified bedrest, I've slowed down a lot, but now I'm even slower. Taking a shower equals needing a nap to recover. The thought of leaving my house, even if it is to get a few last minute items, exhausts me. And don't get me started on the pelvic pain and pressure that I feel every time I get up to go to the bathroom...which is a LOT!

There I said it...I'm not enjoying this part of my pregnancy.

You know what though, I wouldn't trade ANY of it all.

Would I like to get a good night's sleep? Yes! Would I love to not go to the restroom every 15 minutes? Absolutely. Could I do without the nausea? *nods head up & down*

I know that in a few short weeks, these babies will be here and I'll forget about these days. As long as they continue growing within me, I'm still aiming for 38 weeks. I'm going to try and get myself out of this funk and stop whining.

Even if it means 4 more weeks of this...

::::::::::::::::::::

Has anyone else out there struggled with nausea and vomiting in the 3rd trimester? Is there anything I can do to help relieve it?

I'm not worried about me, I just want to make sure the little ones are still getting enough nutrients to grow!

3 Hours...

...to complete my NST today.

Wow.

I got to the hospital around 10 o'clock this morning for my non-stress test. Both babies were quite active for the first 10 minutes or so, then Baby A must have fallen asleep. After about an hour on the monitor, the nurse came in and said that they wanted some more movement out of Baby A.

So, they unhooked Baby B's monitor, and I sat for another 20 minutes.

Still not much movement from Baby A. The next time the nurse came in, she brought along the "shocker", it's an instrument that vibrates and emits a loud buzz sound. She buzzed my sweet little girl a couple of times and then let us rest again. I can't even imagine how annoyed she was at that!

Finally, at 1 o'clock, I was unhooked and free to go.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. Baby A is usually my busy baby, I worry about not feeling Baby B more often.

Should I be worried? Anyone else have NST's take hours to complete?

Lazy days, Inadequacy, and 32 weeks

Well, I thought when I was pulled off work, I'd have so much more time to do things...

I was wrong.

The truth is I'm tired. Really tired. Taking a nap twice a day tired.

My mind is going a mile a minute with things that need to be done, yet I can't seem to get off the couch. I guess that's okay, as I'm supposed to rest. It's just frustrating for me.

::::::::::::::::::::

Saturday was a really rough day.

It was the first day that Miss O. was with me all day, therefore being stuck at home, ALL day long.

She did really well the first part of the day, watching TV, playing barbies, entertaining herself. After lunch, we played a few board games, some Wii, and she colored a little.

Then 4 o'clock hit.

All she wanted to do was go outside and play. It was SO hot this weekend. I tried to explain that Mommy needed to stay inside. She didn't want to hear it.

She ended up in tears.

I ended up in tears.

It was the first time this entire pregnancy that I felt like I was taking something away from her...that she was suffering because of M. and my choice to expand our family.

Ouch.

I wasn't ready for the feelings of inadequacy that bubbled up. That I couldn't be the Mom she wanted, needed me to be. Doubt started to creep in...what have we done?

As I was sobbing on the couch, M. called to check on us from work. He listened to my blubbering and told me it would be okay.

Five minutes after we hung up, he called back to tell me to get Miss O. ready to go to the park. He had called his mother and she was coming to take Miss O. for dinner and some fun.

I am SO lucky to have such a loving husband.

Miss O. had a great evening, and I spent the few hours reading without worry.

::::::::::::::::::::

Headed in to see the doctor yesterday...

Blood pressure was 112 over 75. Yay!

Lost 3 pounds in the last week, probably water weight, as I'm not nearly as swollen as I was.

Had an ultrasound, babies looked great and were estimated to weigh 3 pounds, 9 ounces, and 3 pounds 10 ounces. I was SO happy with that! Surprisingly, they have both changed up their positions...Baby A has been head down for at least the last 2 months, she's now in a breech position. Baby B has moved from being breech on my left side, back to laying across, or transverse the top of my uterus.

I guess sitting on my butt is paying off...I'm still shooting for 38 weeks and 6 pound babies!