Tale of Two Sisters

I only have one sibling, a little sister.

She's almost 5 years my junior, and growing up we were never really close. It was hard. We didn't have any mutual friends, due to the age difference. Honestly, we're really wired very differently. While I'm one trying to please everyone, she's all about drama...even if it has nothing to do with her.

As we grew older, we finally started to grow a little closer.

My mother's sickness and death affected our relationship in both good and bad ways. Suddenly, I was thrust into the mother role for her. She was only 4 months into her first job after college when Mom died. A few years later, M. and I traveled 4 states away to remove her from a crappy relationship and let her live with us for over a year. I'm the one she comes to with "mom" issues. She called me all the time, and hung out with Miss O. and I every Saturday.

I've mentioned in previous posts, my fear of her falling pregnant before me, her husband's MFI, the guilt I felt over my feelings, and the awful diagnosis of test.icular cancer. It's been a really rough 9 months for the 2 of them.

While I was in the midst of my IVF cycle in late October, she was also cycling for the 2nd time. Her first cycle was cancelled due to poor response of her ovaries. I didn't write much about it, because I didn't know what to write.

She triggered and had her egg retrieval while I was in the dreaded 2 week wait. They retrieved 13 mature eggs. At the same time, he underwent his surgery to hopefully get some good sp.erm. The doctors found nothing. Not one. They left the clinic without a chance, just 13 eggs frozen for the future, maybe.

I worried about telling her the results of my cycle, but she knew my timeline. She called the day of my beta. I was honest, and I could tell that it stung. You know, you're happy for the person you love, but your heart is breaking because it's NOT you.

In the last 3 months, our relationship has changed again. She doesn't call me as often, doesn't text me daily. She's spent time with Miss O. and I only once in the last 6 weeks. It's like the elephant in the middle of the room.

I have what she wants and I can't fix it.

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What would you do? What have you done in a similar situation?

I'm fully aware that some of the "uncomfortableness" could be my mind playing with me...because I'm worried of hurting her.

I'm just sad.