Thursday, January 14, 2010


This week, I gave up trying to hide my growing belly and moved into my maternity clothes.


I'm SO much more comfortable now!

Along with that, M. and I decided that it was time to go public. We had already told family and close friends, but it was time to tell work.

I'm still uncomfortable about it.

I can't quite believe that I'm going to babies in July.

The growing girth of my abdomen, along with my ravenous appetite should be a clue, but it's so hard to let your guard down and believe. I wasn't sure that I was ready to hear every one's opinions about the fact that we're having 2 babies or field the questions about did we expect twins? Did we have help conceiving?

Overall, I must say I've been pleasantly surprised.

Other than a question here or there about whether twins run in the family, most people have been nothing but supportive and excited for us. Most of my fears have been unfounded.


I was shocked when me boss flat out asked me if I was going to be returning after my leave. Maybe "asked" isn't the right phrase, more like made the decision for me. I was called into the office, where I was asked about my intentions after leave. After I hemmed & hawed about not knowing yet, and that it was still early in my pregnancy, the boss looked at me and stated simply, "Well, I've thought about your situation and I just can't see how you COULD return. You'll be signing your check over to daycare costs and you'll be exhausted."


Too bad that it's MY decision.

M. and I have just started to talk about what we'll do after the babies are born. We've started cutting back and are trying to pay off any extra bills to help us make our decision. I know that I probably won't want to go back to work, but I'm sure not ready to make that decision right now.

Not to sound like a downer, but honestly, I have no guarantees that I'll have one baby, let alone TWO at the end of this. I have no reason to believe that I won't, everything looks great, I'm farther along than I've made it in 5 pregnancies. You just never know.

Unfortunately, that is reality. It doesn't always end with sunshine and happiness.

I wish I could be naïve and believe that everything will be just fine.

But I can't.


  1. Ooooooooooooo! I am so mad at your boss. You should talk about him/her to HR. They have no right to bring you into their office and talk like that. How to deal with your family after you are finished with leave is YOUR business. Honestly, no company can expect that any employee will be in their position in 7 or 8 months future time. As long as you give them 2 weeks notice like any other employee would, what is the big effing deal?

    Ending on a cheerier note, I had to break down and get maternity pants/shirts a few weeks ago too. Oh, they are so comfy and I'll admit that wearing them makes me feel a little like I'm playing dress up, especially the ones that emphasize the tummy. :-D

  2. Wow your story about "coming out" at work sounds strangely familiar. I got a quick congrats followed by a meeting to discuss my intentions. They just don't seem to get that we can't predict the future and are scared to either way. If I can afford not to go back I won't, but if I can't afford it, I'll have to. And like you that is my decision to make when I feel the time is right to make it! Praying that your little ones continue to grow big and strong!

  3. How crappy of your boss to talk to you that way. I would discuss his "tone" with HR, quite honestly.

    I wouldn't make a commitment about work until you have to... a lot can change between now and the time your maternity leave is complete. I was ready to go back to work even though I hated leaving my boys, but the thought crossed my mind to take additional leave. Just weigh all your options and know you do NOT have to make up your mind about what to do right now.

  4. ((HUGS))

    I completely understand your hesitation and fears. There are no guarantees with this, none.

    Sorry to hear that your boss didn't handle the situation very tactfully.

    Yay for maternity clothes. I wore maternity pants today for the first time. So weird!

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as always!

  5. What a Dick Fer! UGH Some people are so rude and can't mind their own business!

    YAY for maternity clothes!

    Stay positive for the chickens!

  6. Your boss can suck it for all I care! Jack ass. How about "hey... congratulations... I am so happy for you!!" Maybe he failed courtesy class.

    On a lighter note... how awesome are maternity pants!!!! :) I still think of wearing them on my fat days.

  7. I think your boss was not only rude and insensitive, but skating pretty close to the line in terms of ethics. I agree with those who suggest you talk with HR.

    And I often feel the same kinds of caveats about a lot can happen between now and July...

    And glad you're done with the PIO!!

  8. I've been pleasantly surprised at how the reactions have been mostly positive. I've only had one person ask so far if it was "natural". A couple of people have said that there is something in the water where I work, which totally cracks me up because, um... we KNOW that's not the truth!

    Yea, it's rather jerky (sexist?)for your boss to decide that for you, and to be so bold as to tell you!

    I'm wanting to figure out the finances and my husband is all... eh, it'll just work out... dumdedum... and this is completely frustrating. If we can find reasonable daycare (in someones home), then I will likely go back to work - although ideally I'd rather stay at home. We have a lot of debt.

    I feel like you're past the danger zone, and should look at this as "it's a go"! This time it's different. This time, it will result in real live babies that will change your life forever.

  9. Can I kick your boss in the ass. Please I need to kick someone in the ass.

    This is your choice about your maternity leave. I think I would have been really snarky.

    I am not sure what your HR is like, there are two distinct types... helpful and tattle-tales. I hope you have the helpful type.

  10. Yay for being in maternity clothes! I broke down immediately, and haven't looked back since. I hope you are super comfortable. I'm really just now getting to the point where it is clear that I'm not fatter anywhere else except my belly, so it must be pregnancy. I don't think a stranger would automatically know I was pregnant, but those who know me can absolutely tell that this is babies who are causing the gain.

    And your boss can SUCK IT. Seriously, that's not his decision to make. I mean, he may be right that infant care is absurdly expensive to the point that you won't have much left afterward, but he seems to not understand that you may be willing to operate at that loss for a while, knowing that after a year, child care will become far less expensive. And frankly, how is he to know what your child care arrangements will be after you give birth. Maybe you have a relative close by who is offering free child care. Who is he to declare such a thing?

    And please. Asking you now what your intentions are in JULY? Geez. That's really stupid. There's a long road in front of you (and me) before delivery-- predicting your 3rd trimester feelings is ridiculous. Grr.

    And I know what you mean about not always being able to believe that things will end in a sun-filled meadow full of flowers and fairies. It's a hard place to be in.

  11. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now - but I for one am betting on you getting 2 babies out of this deal ;)

    Praying for continued "looking good" statuses!


  12. What a lousy boss! But yay for comfy maternity clothes!

  13. Wow, nice boss man... not!

    I'm glad you're more comfortable donning maternity wear now!

  14. Well, I'd say you'll just take one step at the time, your boss can get lost immediately as first step! ehehe. Also well done on the maternity cloths! Fran

  15. How nice to be outed and not have to constantly tuck your stomach in when walking around! And especially with twins. I can only imagine how much more comfortable you are!

    So that's pretty bold of your manager. It's a bit much for him to be that forward and inconsiderate.

    Hang in there. I know this pregnancy is full of uncertainty for you. One day at a time....

  16. I have to agree, I can't believe your boss said that!
    Sweetie, I know it's hard to feel positive. You have been through SO much. Just one day at a time, ok?
    XXXX (((BIG HUGS)))

  17. WoW! I can't believe your boss said that, but at least you know if you DO decide to not go back they're expecting that.

    As others said, just take it one day at a time :-)

  18. Not cool, boss, not cool.

    I know it will all work out--it sucks that we all have to throw finance worries into all this when we just want to be PARENTS...

    Thinking of you!

  19. Hi! Here is the link to my blog that you requested:

    I can't believe your boss said that. A lot of people said the same thing to me when I was expecting my 2nd.

  20. I am so glad you found me!! I am trying not to post anywhere that gets as many comments as you (wink) 'cause I want to stay anonymous this time, mostly b/c of Ford's condition. I just deleted my comment over there... hope she saw it in time!

    How are you feeling??!! More posts please!!!! xox

  21. I'm trying to hide my 24 week belly at a meeting this afternoon so I won't have to deal with questions about my involvement in the project. The last time I let the client know I might not be around at the end of a project I had to tell them about my loss.
    I wonder if I can keep my jacket on for a 3 hour meeting?

    I'm sorry your boss is a jerk.

  22. Stopping by for ICLW...Congrats on your pregnancy!!

    Sounds like your boss is a rude! I'm sure that when the time comes, you'll make the perfect decision for you and your family but now?? How about some congratulations and good wishes! Sheesh...some people! :)

    Hope everything is still going great...all the best to you!

  23. Hi! I am here from ICLW and just wanted to say YEAH!!! for Maternity Clothes. Aren't they the best? I love them. I started wearing them pretty early on in my pregnancy (I want to say by week 8 or 9) and BOO!! to your boss. That was ridiculous. Who is your boss to know what you want and what you can handle? Screw that!!! And, you know you could say one thing about how you want to handle things and things could change at any point. That is what currently happened to me. I wanted to work up til 2wks before my scheduled C-Section and I am now on disability due to high blood pressure. Just as is IF fashion, you really have no control. Best of luck with everything!!!

  24. Just wanted to say congratulations on your twins! This is so inspiring and motivating to those of us still in the land of IF and BFNS....

    Good luck to you! I hope your babies bring you more joy than you ever could have imagined.

  25. Congratulations on your pregnancy and twins double the luck.


  26. What kind of question is that?!?!? Still, I'm glad that coming out was positive!

  27. I so get your trepidation about coming out. I keep joking that I'm not telling one if I get pregnant until after the baby arrives. I doubt that will happen but I do get the mixed feelings.
    Your boss is an idiot!

  28. Just stopping by after commented on my blog. Thank you :) Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you a happy and healthy remainder of your pregnancy.

  29. I understand how hard it probably is hard to be fully optimistic. I hope everything goes okay for you and the babies. Congratulations and best wishes.

  30. I was so happy when I made the move to maternity clothes when I was pregnant. Comfort is SO important! And I am so mad for you about your boss. How unfair!

  31. Congrats on your pregnancy! I'll count on you having two, even if you can't yet, ok?

    And as for your boss, I might make that note wwith HR, just in case it becomes a bigger issue in the future (which it probably won't... just in case)...


  32. your boss sounds awful. Congrats on the babies and good luck.

  33. Congratulations! Can't believe your boss' comment--so inappropriate! Ugh!