This week, I gave up trying to hide my growing belly and moved into my maternity clothes.
I'm SO much more comfortable now!
Along with that, M. and I decided that it was time to go public. We had already told family and close friends, but it was time to tell work.
I'm still uncomfortable about it.
I can't quite believe that I'm going to babies in July.
The growing girth of my abdomen, along with my ravenous appetite should be a clue, but it's so hard to let your guard down and believe. I wasn't sure that I was ready to hear every one's opinions about the fact that we're having 2 babies or field the questions about did we expect twins? Did we have help conceiving?
Overall, I must say I've been pleasantly surprised.
Other than a question here or there about whether twins run in the family, most people have been nothing but supportive and excited for us. Most of my fears have been unfounded.
I was shocked when me boss flat out asked me if I was going to be returning after my leave. Maybe "asked" isn't the right phrase, more like made the decision for me. I was called into the office, where I was asked about my intentions after leave. After I hemmed & hawed about not knowing yet, and that it was still early in my pregnancy, the boss looked at me and stated simply, "Well, I've thought about your situation and I just can't see how you COULD return. You'll be signing your check over to daycare costs and you'll be exhausted."
Too bad that it's MY decision.
M. and I have just started to talk about what we'll do after the babies are born. We've started cutting back and are trying to pay off any extra bills to help us make our decision. I know that I probably won't want to go back to work, but I'm sure not ready to make that decision right now.
Not to sound like a downer, but honestly, I have no guarantees that I'll have one baby, let alone TWO at the end of this. I have no reason to believe that I won't, everything looks great, I'm farther along than I've made it in 5 pregnancies. You just never know.
Unfortunately, that is reality. It doesn't always end with sunshine and happiness.
I wish I could be naïve and believe that everything will be just fine.
But I can't.