Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My Life Is A Mess

...and there's nothing I can do about it!

Ok, so I can change some of it, but it's just crazy.

This morning I had to return to the Blood & Cancer Center bright and early again. I got weighed, again. Boo! Seriously, how can I have gained 12 pounds in less than 3 weeks? Blood work looked good, but they don't run an hCG level. Doctor told me to call if my numbers don't go down on Friday and they'll give me another round of methotrexate next week. I really don't want that.

TMI, but I think my numbers are finally falling. My bre.asts have been less full and tender and I've started to cramp and bleed. Hopefully it will show in the beta on Friday.

Mid-morning, my baby sister called. She had a rough weekend and was in the ER Sunday night with a gallbladder attack. Which is pretty interesting, since she had her gallbladder out last October! Well, she went to see a specialist up north, and guess what? She's having her gallbladder out AGAIN on April 9th. The specialist says that she still has one, and doesn't know what the doctor here took out! No joke! And if having surgery you already had once isn't bad enough, she paid for her surgery out of pocket in October as she didn't have insurance from her job yet. I feel horrible for her.

I've been struggling at work with idiots. Not many of my co-workers know what's going on, as I don't feel it's really any of their business, plus I've had really negative experiences with some of them with my other losses. But, people are starting to wonder what's going on with me. The people I want to know, know, and they are wonderful. (Minus the manager who is now trying to be my best friend) Sometimes I wish I could just be honest and blurt it out, but I can't really do that without tears. And I hate the pity looks I get, as well.

Tomorrow is a new day. That's what I keep telling myself.


  1. Sending you lots of hugs & love!! I hope your hcg level has gone down!!

    ugh, idiots! the world will always have idiots, sorry you have to work with them!

    Are you & your family going on vacation or anything this summer? Do you have anything coming up to look forward to?

    that is messed up about your sister...wth did they take out of her??

  2. Sending lots of hugs, prayers, and love!

    Bummer on the idiots.

    Email me if you want to talk.

  3. The idiots do seem to come out during an emotional time- like flies to honey!

    I hope it is working as you suspect, and your hCG will be down on Friday. This week must feel like it is dragging on and on...I hope you can relax this weekend.

    Very upset about your sis! That is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard! I hope this next surgery goes well.

    Hugs, and loves across the internets,


  4. POor YOU - POOR SISTER! I am sorry for the messiness right now.

  5. OMG- your sister should get her money back. I am shocked!

    And my heart is still with you in this journey. I actually understand what you mean about not wanting to exactly tell everyone. My first miscarriage was kept to very close family members only (mainly because they knew I was pregnant). *HUGS*

  6. I'm so sorry things are so pissy right now...

  7. Hang in there... thinking of you. xxx

    And your sister should hire a lawyer if she's out money that she thought was being spent to remove her gallbladder. She should NOT have to pay.


  8. It'll be over soon, I hope and you then you can get back in the swing of things! Love ya'

  9. If you look back into my mid-year 2007 archives, you can read about my hCG drama. Mine went up and down for months, but eventually got to zero.

    Your poor sister, too.

    Hang in there, my dear. This is only a temporary state.

  10. Sorry you are still going through this. I hope your hcg is indeed falling and this can be over soon for you.
    I so know how it feels to be surrounded by co-workers who don't know or care what you're dealing with. It really sucks.

    Take care of yourself ((((((hugs)))))