Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Eight Words...

"Oh, I thought you guys had given up..."

Those are the eight words that have been haunting me for a couple of weeks now.

There is so much wrong with that statement, that I don't even know where to start. They were uttered by my mother in law after finding out that M. and I were losing another pregnancy. Before even saying, "I'm sorry."

I don't know how to digest these words, and really don't know how to feel about them.

Should I be offended? I mean, just because we've been on a break from treatments, doesn't mean we've stopping trying to add to our family. Once you struggle with infertility, I'm not sure you *ever* stop trying. Ever. I know that over the last six months, even though I haven't temped or used ovulation predictors, I've still thought, "Maybe this is the month.", before peeing on a stick, hoping to see those two elusive lines. Part of me is offended. I mean, really, do you think that we'll never add another grandchild to your family tree? Do you see us as quitters? Because, let me tell you, your son might not have completed college, but he's NOT a quitter when it comes to anything that has to do with his family. If I couldn't work, M. would gladly take on another job or two, if that's what he needed to do.

It makes me really angry that someone, who isn't in my shoes, obviously feels that I'll never have another child. Why? Who gives her the right to believe that?

Yes, I might never carry another child to term, but there are SO many options out there. We might look at donor eggs. Surrogacy is always an option. Adoption. There are plenty of ways for us to add to our family.

Giving up has never crossed my mind.

I had my blood drawn again this morning.

Beta came back at 40, down from 119 last Wednesday.

Next week, M. and I will meet with the doctor to talk about our next step. I'm ready to have a new game plan.


  1. Your 'given up' statement is just as painful as the 'well, it just wasn't meant to be' statement I've heard. We can't give up, because then we wouldn't have hope. Hope is what keeps us getting out of bed, despite of life's circumstances...

    Hugs to you...

  2. I hate insensitive people. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. *hugs*

  3. People put their foot in their mouth. Alot. Isn't it amazing how they don't even realize it?

  4. That comment is terrible and so presumptuous. I hate that someone would assume that you are "done" because of all your losses. People don't understand: we will never give up! I know you are in such a limbo/stuck place, probably no way to see your way out, but I am hoping that seeing the RE will give you a new game plan, and some new options for your family building. You are right, there are so many ways to keep going... who is talking about giving up? Not YOU.

    Big huge hugs! Thinking of you very often.


  5. Really? I hope htey feel like a turkey for saying that after the fact. What a horribly insensitive thing to say regardless of any outcome

  6. Ugh- people are pissing me off today! I'm so so so sorry she said that! Sometimes I wish I could wear a t-shirt the says, "What NOT to say..."

    Keep that positive outlook and hope, sweetie!

  7. That was horribly insensitive. I am so sorry! As always I am thinking about you, M, and Miss O. You are always in my prayers. HUGS lady!

  8. That's incredibly insensitive! WTF!?!

    I'm sorry you had to hear that.


    I hope you get a kick ass plan!!

  9. If I had a penny every time I got a comment like that from friends or family... sigh. Yep, I'd be rich.

    MIL's are infamous for that crap.

    Looking forward to being here to support you for whatever your next step is. (Hugs!)

  10. I hate those comments. They really are the worst! I got one similar- "you're going to KEEP trying??" like we shouldn't because of our losses.


  11. Girl that's the right attitude! You are so right, DONT"T GIVE UP!

  12. I'm so sorry for your recent loss and it was awfully insensitive of your MIL to say something like that to you. I wish she'd have kept that to herself instead of loading you up with it.


  13. (((hugs)))

    It would be really painful to hear that, especially from a family member. I am sorry she was so insensitive. She absolutely has no right to believe that you'll never have another child. I'm glad that you sound hopeful and courageous even though you've been through so much.

    I am hoping along with you that you'll have a baby in your arms soon.

  14. Screw her! (Is it ok that I said that? hee hee) I am so sorry you had to hear something like that, and especially from your mother in law. If mine said something like that to me, I'd seethe.

    But I'm glad you're going to put together a new game plan! You're one brave gal!!

  15. Yes I would ahve taken offense to that. Did you DH set her straight?

  16. ICLW here...

    WOW. It amazes me how some people can be so insensitive.

    We have decided not to share with others until we have passed the scary phase of pregnancy.

    We hardly even told anyone about our dx.

    I think that is why I like blogging so much. I dont have to worry about stupid comments by insensitive people.



  17. Some people just don't think, or don't care enough to think, which is worse. Don't let her get you down. I'm sorry for your recent loss, and I hope that with a new game plan, you'll also have a brighter course for another baby.