Tears, cries, sobbing.
That was what you would have seen last night if you peeked into the windows at Not The Path I Chose.
Some of the tears shed were from the babies, but most of them were mine...
The twins usually wake up at least once a night to eat. Pretty Girl got up first, nursed for a good 30 minutes and went right back down. Shortly after, Big Boy started snorting. When he's hungry, between cries, he'll snort.
It's the funniest thing, him sounding like a baby pig!
So, I brought him in and he started to nurse. Even though he's bottle fed during the day, we've managed to continue to nurse at night. I really enjoyed this time with him, and it took the sting away about not breastfeeding him exclusively.
After 30 minutes, he fell back asleep and I placed him back in the crib next to Pretty Girl.
That's when I smelled it.
As I picked Pretty Girl up, the scent got stronger. We went over to the changing table and as I started to change her, my half asleep mind snapped to attention as I realized it was a blow-out.
I had to change her AND the bed.
If this wasn't bad enough at 3 am, Big Boy wakes back up and starts to scream, then snort alternately. No matter how hard I try to calm him down, he wouldn't. I finally break down, head downstairs and make a bottle.
He sucked down the 4 ounces like he hadn't ate in hours. That's when my tears started.
I'm pretty sure our nursing days are done.
After nursing for 30 minutes, Big Boy should not eat a 4 ounce bottle...something isn't working. I'm sad to lose this special time with him, but I recognize that I've got to do what works best for him.
So, I'll continue to pump as much as I can to supplement his bottles.
This shouldn't bother me this badly. I'm still exclusively breast feeding Pretty Girl.
I think that's the problem.
My heart feels badly that I can't make it work for both of them. My subconscious is beating me up. That I'm giving her something, while robbing him of something.
All those thoughts that grow exponentially with a lack of sleep. Things always seem worse when you need zzz's.
I'm going to try to push those thoughts to the back of my mind, at least until I get a nap.
Wish me luck.