Tuesday, November 17, 2009

How it all went down...

Yesterday morning, after getting Miss O. on the bus, M. and I got ready to head in for the beta.

The plan was to have my blood drawn, go out to breakfast, and return an hour later for results. Whatever the news would be, at least we would only have to wait an hour.

My stomach was a ball of nerves, and I couldn't stop shaking. Dr. Hope stopped into the blood work room and asked if we had cheated. "Nope!", I said, thinking I should have taken a test before I came in. For me, though, seeing those 2 lines has never been the problem, it's holding on to the pregnancy that's hard. Once the vial was full, Nurse Peppy sent us on our way, saying, "We'll see you in an hour."

We did go and have breakfast. How I choked anything down is beyond me? I alternated eating a few bites, with running to the bathroom, sure I was going to throw up. I never did, but man, was my stomach churning.

Outside of the office, in the car, M. and I sat for about 15 minutes. I remember looking over to him and wanting to cry, instead I asked him, "Do we have to go in? Can't we just pretend I'm pregnant?" I pleaded with him not to hate me if it was negative. He just kept looking at me and saying, "Whatever happens, I will still love you." God, I love him.

Finally, we headed in.

I don't know why, but I brought in my full sharps container. I think I just figured that if it didn't work, I could just leave it there and not have to see it anymore. M. gave it to the receptionist, while trying to read her face. I just sat down and stared at the floor.

After about 5 minutes, Nurse Peppy opened the waiting room door, I scanned her face, desperate to find some sort of clue. She put her hands on her hips, and said, "Come on back, guys..." I figured it was over, I started to prepare myself for the worst.

Once we both were in her office, she asked why we brought in the sharps container... I think I mumbled something about probably not needing it anymore. Then Nurse Peppy said, "Well, it better go back home with you because you're going to need it!", with a big smile. The next few minutes are a blur, I remember hearing the beta number (669!), jumping up and hugging her! She told me maybe I should hug M. first, so I hugged him. Then the tears started.

After I calmed down, we talked about how this is just one hurdle for me.

Yes, we have a positive beta.

Next step is a repeat beta tomorrow, on Wednesday.

I can't allow myself to think too far ahead, not yet. That's what 5 consecutive losses will do to you.

BUT for right now, we're celebrating!


Thank you ALL for all of your thoughts, prayers, and congratulations!

I have no idea how I could have gotten through the last few months without your support.

You rock! :)


  1. before i fell asleep i remember thanking God for your BFP.

    I will continue to pray for you, your family, and the little one(s)!!



  2. OMG!!! I was out a few days and I missed your big announcement.


    lots and tons of sticky vibes for you. What a fabulous beta!!!!

  3. Wonderful news, my dear. Very happy for you!

  4. What a fabulous story and I'm so glad it turned out with a happy ending. Your Mr. M sounds like a wonderful and kind person. Good luck for Wednesday, we'll all be cheering for you.

  5. *hugs* I'll be praying for good news tomorrow and nothing but good news for the next 9-10 months :-)

  6. I know how hard the repeat testing is. Its so stressfull! Thinking of you!!

  7. I can't wait to hear the news tomorrow!

  8. You have my support, always. I'm glad that us being here is helping you with all this and I can't wait til the next beta either!

  9. WOW! That is an awesome number! Congrats!

  10. Amazing! Thanks for sharing the details. And I must say that I'm so impressed that you didn't test at home. Were you able to tell that you were pregnant?

  11. It's a wonderful beta honey, now I'm praying that this baby sticks around for a good long 40 weeks!


    PS-> all the best for the repeat beta today!

  12. One day at a time... You can do this and we will help you! So happy for you!!! :)

  13. Okay I have been so concerned with your beta numbers (I even snuck onto reader at work to check it out). I just read this post. I am a big huge ball of happy tears.

    Celebrate sister, I am thanking God that these past few days have come from you, M, and Miss O. And here is to many more ahead!