How it all went down...

Yesterday morning, after getting Miss O. on the bus, M. and I got ready to head in for the beta.

The plan was to have my blood drawn, go out to breakfast, and return an hour later for results. Whatever the news would be, at least we would only have to wait an hour.

My stomach was a ball of nerves, and I couldn't stop shaking. Dr. Hope stopped into the blood work room and asked if we had cheated. "Nope!", I said, thinking I should have taken a test before I came in. For me, though, seeing those 2 lines has never been the problem, it's holding on to the pregnancy that's hard. Once the vial was full, Nurse Peppy sent us on our way, saying, "We'll see you in an hour."

We did go and have breakfast. How I choked anything down is beyond me? I alternated eating a few bites, with running to the bathroom, sure I was going to throw up. I never did, but man, was my stomach churning.

Outside of the office, in the car, M. and I sat for about 15 minutes. I remember looking over to him and wanting to cry, instead I asked him, "Do we have to go in? Can't we just pretend I'm pregnant?" I pleaded with him not to hate me if it was negative. He just kept looking at me and saying, "Whatever happens, I will still love you." God, I love him.

Finally, we headed in.

I don't know why, but I brought in my full sharps container. I think I just figured that if it didn't work, I could just leave it there and not have to see it anymore. M. gave it to the receptionist, while trying to read her face. I just sat down and stared at the floor.

After about 5 minutes, Nurse Peppy opened the waiting room door, I scanned her face, desperate to find some sort of clue. She put her hands on her hips, and said, "Come on back, guys..." I figured it was over, I started to prepare myself for the worst.

Once we both were in her office, she asked why we brought in the sharps container... I think I mumbled something about probably not needing it anymore. Then Nurse Peppy said, "Well, it better go back home with you because you're going to need it!", with a big smile. The next few minutes are a blur, I remember hearing the beta number (669!), jumping up and hugging her! She told me maybe I should hug M. first, so I hugged him. Then the tears started.

After I calmed down, we talked about how this is just one hurdle for me.

Yes, we have a positive beta.

Next step is a repeat beta tomorrow, on Wednesday.

I can't allow myself to think too far ahead, not yet. That's what 5 consecutive losses will do to you.

BUT for right now, we're celebrating!

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Thank you ALL for all of your thoughts, prayers, and congratulations!

I have no idea how I could have gotten through the last few months without your support.

You rock! :)