Shedding A Few Tears

My day started with a few tears, I couldn't help it.


Sometimes it just feels good to cry.


Especially when you're remembering someone who left the world far too soon.


Seven years ago today my Mother lost her battle with ovarian cancer.


In some ways, it's hard to believe it's been that long...other days the hurt feels so fresh, like she just died.


Every time I looked at Miss O. and the twins today, I teared up.


She would have been a wonderful grandmother and would have spoiled them all rotten. I watched her love on my numerous younger cousins for years...even being called Mommy Kar.en by some, instead of aunt. She loved holding babies, loving on them. Even her profession included holding babies, as she was an OB nurse.


She looked forward to being a grandmother, yet never got a chance to experience it.


Mom died four days after my baby shower when I was pregnant with Miss O.


Today, I cry, but I also think about all the lessons she taught me, the memories, and the laughter we shared.


I'm the "mom" I am because of the "mom" she was to me.

Head Rush

It's December 12th.

How?

As the twins grew older and I got a little more sleep, I thought I'd start to get a routine down. Find a *little* time for me...at least know what day it is! I swear I'm still losing days at a time.

I've got a few minutes to type, so I'm going to try and update what's been going on here.

Here's the down and dirty, quick version...

Thanksgiving was wonderful. We traveled North to my aunt's house where we gathered and celebrated with my mother's family. At last count, there were 40 of us there for dinner. Two turkeys, a bucket of mashed potatoes, and 6 pies later, everyone was full and happy. Many times during the day I thought about how thankful I was that the twins were here and everyone was enjoying them.

I'm an aunt to a nephew! My little sister gave birth on December 2nd to a very healthy little boy, a true miracle baby. All the tears I shed worrying she'd get pregnant before me and then the guilt for feeling that way once she and her hubby started to struggle became distant memories the moment I held him in my arms. Being just under 5 months younger than the twins, I'm sure they'll be great playmates in a few years!

Miss O. has been crazy busy with preparing and practicing for a holiday ice show. My little gumdrop is participating in a version of the Nutcracker on ice. Last night was the first performance, and I felt WAY out of my element in the locker room trying to get her ready. I didn't realize what a "club" this was! It probably didn't help that the twins and their stroller took up half the locker room space...we didn't have glitter spray, I didn't have her hair done the right way and over all was just lost. A few of the glances I saw directed at us were pure exasperation! Oh well, live and learn. I'm glad that it's over...at least for a year.

There is yet to be a Christmas decoration up in my household. By this time of the month, I usually have at least 3 trees up, my village, and the stockings hung. I just don't have time to even get down to the basement to get the decorations upstairs...And don't even ask how the shopping is going!

Big Boy has found his feet. It's hilarious to watch him grab and talk to them, if I leave them uncovered. It seems that if he can't see his toes, they don't exist! LOL. Pretty Girl has mastered rolling over and loves the exer.saucer. I can't believe they'll be 5 months old tomorrow.

So, that's my quickie update. What's going on with you? Are you ready for the holidays?

Where Am I?

Opened my go.ogle reader the other day...

365 unread posts.

365.

One for each day of a year.

Wow.

I seem to fallen way behind on reading, commenting and posting. The last 2 weeks have been tough. I'm afraid with the holidays coming it's only going to get worse. My email is filled with emails that I should respond to. It's not only with the computer, it's every thing in life. I currently have 6 messages on my answering machine that have yet to listen to.

I feel perpetually behind.

If it doesn't have to do with the babies or Miss O. it just gets thrown to the back burner.

And that's okay.

They will only be little once.

I want to soak in all the memories, so that I can remember them forever.

Just Keep Swimming

Where do the days go?

Considering I'm back into a lack of sleep haze, thanks to the twins learning to roll over, who knows?

On Thanksgiving, Pretty Girl finally figured out how to roll. Two days later, Big Boy mastered it, too. They roll every time you put them on their back. Every time. So, just like that, we stopped swaddling them at night. Add in a little bit of teething, as their fingers are in their mouths non-stop and we've got the perfect storm for not sleeping at night.

I find myself quoting Dory from Dis.ney's film, "Finding Ne.mo" every few hours as a pep talk.

"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming."

The sleepless nights won't last forever, but when you're in the midst of them, it sure seems like they will. I'm just trying to get through the days, and hoping this will pass quickly.

I need another cup of coffee.