It's snowing this morning.
Yes, it's SNOWING.
On October 29th....it's going to be a long winter.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Why I Love My Husband
Reason #5,252,002...
He gets it. Infertility, that is.
Now, this might sound obvious, but it's not. Until Wednesday night, I just thought he felt bad about our lack of a second child because I felt bad. Because he doesn't like to see me cry. Because it was the right thing to do. I felt like he tolerated my craziness when it came to IF. You know, he came along to the RE because he was expected to. I really thought that he didn't really care that we only had one child. Because any time I broke down about our lack of siblings for Miss O., he would say, "I'm just happy that we have her."
Then the news came.
M.'s brother called. They are pregnant. Again. Back in August, they spent the majority of a family gathering asking me, the infertile, how to get pregnant. Because, they had started to try again, and it hadn't worked yet. After. Three. Months. Apparently, I was helpful, because their due date is in May.
Here's how my phone call from M. went:
He gets it. Infertility, that is.
Now, this might sound obvious, but it's not. Until Wednesday night, I just thought he felt bad about our lack of a second child because I felt bad. Because he doesn't like to see me cry. Because it was the right thing to do. I felt like he tolerated my craziness when it came to IF. You know, he came along to the RE because he was expected to. I really thought that he didn't really care that we only had one child. Because any time I broke down about our lack of siblings for Miss O., he would say, "I'm just happy that we have her."
Then the news came.
M.'s brother called. They are pregnant. Again. Back in August, they spent the majority of a family gathering asking me, the infertile, how to get pregnant. Because, they had started to try again, and it hadn't worked yet. After. Three. Months. Apparently, I was helpful, because their due date is in May.
Here's how my phone call from M. went:
Photogrl: "Hey, what's up?"
M: "Nothing. I'm having a crappy night."
P: "Why? Is work being a pain?"
M: "No, I'm pissed off. And I've been pissed off all night."
P: "...OK?" (at this point, I'm wracking my brain for anything I could have done)
M: "It took me a while to figure out why I'm pissed, but then I figured it out. J. called and they are pregnant."
Yup, he finally admitted it. It hurts him, too, when people announce their pregnancies.
I love him.
::::::::::::::::::::
3 days worth of ICLW visits squished into one entry.
Comments Returned:
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Two Years Ago
Dear Little One,
Boy, what a surprise!
Daddy and I were just finishing licking our wounds after another negative home pregnancy test, when we found out you were on your way. Mommy woke up one Saturday morning with a lot of abdominal pain. So bad, that she had to make a trip to the hospital emergency room.
At the hospital, Mommy's worst fears were realized, when they found you in my left tube. I was whisked away into surgery and never even got to see an ultrasound picture of you.
I wish you would have found your way into my comfy uterus...Miss O. would have loved having a baby sister or brother!
Love,
Mommy
Boy, what a surprise!
Daddy and I were just finishing licking our wounds after another negative home pregnancy test, when we found out you were on your way. Mommy woke up one Saturday morning with a lot of abdominal pain. So bad, that she had to make a trip to the hospital emergency room.
At the hospital, Mommy's worst fears were realized, when they found you in my left tube. I was whisked away into surgery and never even got to see an ultrasound picture of you.
I wish you would have found your way into my comfy uterus...Miss O. would have loved having a baby sister or brother!
Love,
Mommy
::::::::::::::::::::
It's been two years since that very scary morning.
About three weeks prior to the pain, I had taken a home pregnancy test. Negative. No big surprise there, and a few days later I started my period. At least that's what I thought. It was really light, more like spotting then a real flow. That should have been my first clue.
The week leading up to that Saturday morning, I started spotting again. I joked with my cousin, "How am I supposed to get pregnant, when my period won't stop?" I even called my doctor that Friday, to ask him about the mid-cycle spotting. "Don't worry.", he said, "Just come on in on Monday and we'll talk."
I never made it to that appointment.
Around 3 o'clock in the morning on Saturday, I awoke from deep sleep with stomach cramps. Shortly after 4, the vomiting started. As I laid on the bathroom floor, I thought about what I had ate for dinner the night before. A sub from a gas station. Hmm. Probably shouldn't have ate there, but as a photographer, on a Friday night...I was just grabbing something quick between high school football games. An hour and many trips to the bathroom later, I was convinced that I had food poisoning.
M. woke up for work at 5:30am, and found me awake with a heating pad on my belly. He questioned me, but I shrugged him off, saying I just must have had some bad food or maybe the flu. He kept asking if I wanted him to call off work, but I told him I'd be fine.
Boy, was I wrong about that.
The pain in my belly was growing harder and harder to ignore. It was starting to come in waves...much like contractions. But how could that be? I'm not pregnant, I kept thinking.
My little sister was living with M., Miss O. and me at the time. Thank goodness. I made my way downstairs to her bedroom about 8 o'clock and woke her up. She took one look at me and said, "We're going to the hospital." She carried my little girl out to her car seat and helped me into the car. We must have been quite the sight walking into the ER...a two year old, still in her pajamas, me hunched over, barely able to walk, and my sister trying to keep us all going in the same direction.
Never go to an ER that is just starting up, trust me.
When they checked me in, the did the usual questioning and testing. The doctor came in and said, "You're pregnant." I started crying, because I knew something was really wrong. He then continued, "It seems that you're miscarrying, but we need to transfer you because we can't do an ultrasound here on the weekends." What? I told him, "I've miscarried before and it didn't feel like this.", and I asked for pain medicine. He refused to give me any. I later found out that was because they needed to definitively diagnose the ectopic first, but I just hated him for it at the time. So, I got to ride in an ambulance for 20 minutes to the main branch of the hospital. With no pain meds. I swear they hit every single bump on purpose. It was loads of fun.
Downtown, as they wheeled me in, I finally saw M. I started to cry and he teared up. They took me off to ultrasound, where I had quite the experience with the tech. Trans.vag.inal ultrasounds are not very fun to begin with, add the pain I was experiencing and I could have jumped off the bed when she started doing her thing. Not to mention the great bedside manner. Like a block of ice, I tell you. And the best was when she told me she couldn't see anything, and I'd probably be sent home, and just have some follow up blood work.
I remember crying in the hallway outside of the ultrasound room, waiting to be wheeled back to the ER. I was so scared. Something was wrong, and no one seemed to be listening to me.
Finally, back in the ER, the doc came in and said, "You have a mass on your left ovary, and we've confirmed an ectopic pregnancy in your left tube. We have to take you into surgery."
It's the only time I've ever been worried that I might not wake up from a procedure. As they prepped me in the operating room, I just kept thinking, "This can't be happening. I have a two year old to take care of."
I made it through the surgery. My left tube didn't.
Just Call, OK?
Note to future interviewees, I need to know if you're going to stand me up.
I'm a producer. What's that mean? Well, I put together an hour long local TV news show. The show starts with the news of the day and weather, like most newscasts do. But because I have an hour long show, I have 2 live interview segments that I fill, usually with happy news. Or fluff. You know, the chairperson for the spaghetti dinner that's on Sunday or actors from the local theater production. They last about three minutes.
Yesterday, at 4:59pm, I walked into the control room feeling pretty good. Felt like I had a solid, interesting show and was looking forward to 6pm when I could walk out the door. Within 15 minutes, everything began to go downhill. And when you're dealing with live TV, everything snowballs, quickly.
There's an interview that happens EVERY week, on Tuesday. His secretary emails me a topic every week and tells me he'll be here.
Except he didn't come. And I didn't know he wasn't here, until, like, 2 minutes before he was to be on the show.
Two minutes.
Not a lot you can do in two minutes, except panic. Trying to be calm, I quickly rearranged my show, so that no one at home would know that anything was wrong. Thank goodness, the sports guy is always willing to come on and fill a hole for me. Because in TV, 3 minutes is an eternity!
It wasn't pretty, but the viewers at home were none the wiser. And that's what counts.
So, if you're ever asked to be on a TV newscast, make sure you show up. Or call. Please.
I'm a producer. What's that mean? Well, I put together an hour long local TV news show. The show starts with the news of the day and weather, like most newscasts do. But because I have an hour long show, I have 2 live interview segments that I fill, usually with happy news. Or fluff. You know, the chairperson for the spaghetti dinner that's on Sunday or actors from the local theater production. They last about three minutes.
Yesterday, at 4:59pm, I walked into the control room feeling pretty good. Felt like I had a solid, interesting show and was looking forward to 6pm when I could walk out the door. Within 15 minutes, everything began to go downhill. And when you're dealing with live TV, everything snowballs, quickly.
There's an interview that happens EVERY week, on Tuesday. His secretary emails me a topic every week and tells me he'll be here.
Except he didn't come. And I didn't know he wasn't here, until, like, 2 minutes before he was to be on the show.
Two minutes.
Not a lot you can do in two minutes, except panic. Trying to be calm, I quickly rearranged my show, so that no one at home would know that anything was wrong. Thank goodness, the sports guy is always willing to come on and fill a hole for me. Because in TV, 3 minutes is an eternity!
It wasn't pretty, but the viewers at home were none the wiser. And that's what counts.
So, if you're ever asked to be on a TV newscast, make sure you show up. Or call. Please.
::::::::::::::::::::
Adding my ICLW visits for the last two days!
October 21st:
Returned:
October 22nd:
Returned:
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
October ICLW Begins...
Ok, enough wallowing and whining for me.
Time to move on. I feel better today. Making it to the gym always helps, and I succeeded in that this morning, too.
Welcome to anyone who's visiting from ICLW!
I can't believe that it's already time to participate again. The last month just flew by.
A little background for new readers. I'm a thirty-something year old who is dealing with secondary infertility. I am blessed to have a beautiful little girl, Miss O., who is four years old. I have four pregnancy losses under my belt, and each one has been way different from the last. My husband, M., has been told that he has "super sperm" by the RE, so he's not the problem. We are currently on an RE break, as we try to save some money for IVF. Hopefully, we'll get lucky with a sticky pregnancy in the meantime, and save ourselves a butt load of $!
I tend to blog about our IF issues, weight loss, and just life in general. I hope you stick around!
Time to move on. I feel better today. Making it to the gym always helps, and I succeeded in that this morning, too.
::::::::::::::::::::
Welcome to anyone who's visiting from ICLW!
I can't believe that it's already time to participate again. The last month just flew by.
A little background for new readers. I'm a thirty-something year old who is dealing with secondary infertility. I am blessed to have a beautiful little girl, Miss O., who is four years old. I have four pregnancy losses under my belt, and each one has been way different from the last. My husband, M., has been told that he has "super sperm" by the RE, so he's not the problem. We are currently on an RE break, as we try to save some money for IVF. Hopefully, we'll get lucky with a sticky pregnancy in the meantime, and save ourselves a butt load of $!
I tend to blog about our IF issues, weight loss, and just life in general. I hope you stick around!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Question...
Q: What's the quickest way to get your period, if it's late?
A: Take a home pregnancy test. As soon as your body sees the word NOT in front of pregnant, it will kick into gear with a horrible batch of cramps, which lead to Cycle day 1.
A: Take a home pregnancy test. As soon as your body sees the word NOT in front of pregnant, it will kick into gear with a horrible batch of cramps, which lead to Cycle day 1.
::::::::::::::::::::
It's official.
I'm infertile now.
It's been over a year since my last BFP.
I don't know what to do. Do I give up? Do I keep trying?
This sucks.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A Candle Is Burning...
I just lit my candle for Pregnancy and Infant Loss day.
As I watch the flame flicker, random dates run through my head...
Jan. 13, 2006 -- my 2nd BFP, ever.
Feb. 13, 2006 -- my first D&C
Sept. 18, 2006 -- my EDD for my first miscarriage
Oct. 23, 2006 -- emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy
July 4, 2007 -- BFP!
July 24, 2007 -- miscarriage #2
Nov. 24, 2007 -- BFP!
Nov 31, 2007 -- chemical pregnancy
So many dates, so many unfulfilled dreams.
Just do me a favor, if anyone in real life mentions going through a loss...just listen.
And offer a hug.
As I watch the flame flicker, random dates run through my head...
Jan. 13, 2006 -- my 2nd BFP, ever.
Feb. 13, 2006 -- my first D&C
Sept. 18, 2006 -- my EDD for my first miscarriage
Oct. 23, 2006 -- emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy
July 4, 2007 -- BFP!
July 24, 2007 -- miscarriage #2
Nov. 24, 2007 -- BFP!
Nov 31, 2007 -- chemical pregnancy
So many dates, so many unfulfilled dreams.
Just do me a favor, if anyone in real life mentions going through a loss...just listen.
And offer a hug.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)