Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Livin' in a Cube

Literally and figuratively.

As I was cutting up the twins' lunch the other day, I realized how much of my life right now is either involving or being experienced in a "cube".

Everyday I cut up multiple kinds of veggies and fruits into cubes for the twins to eat. Three times a day, at least. I can not seem to cut enough quick enough to satisfy them. Especially because Big Boy is always using both fists to shove the food into his mouth! Do you know how monotonous this is? My favorite kitchen utensil is a pizza cutter these days. It's fast and does a quick job of creating those cubes for my babies.

My house, for the most part, is a cube or square. I don't think I've ever spent SO much time in these four walls as I have since May of 2010, when bedrest started. Some days, I feel like the walls are closing in on me...since I don't get out much. As a former working mom, I'm still adjusting to not leaving the house everyday.

Blocks. These are the twins' favorite toys right now. Every day I build high stacks of blocks so that they can just run over and knock them down. The first time I did it, they both stood in awe of my creation and clapped for was one of the Cutest. Things. Ever.

Big Boy is all boy. Which means he's a climber. Multiple times a day, I sweep him off the back of the couch and stick him into the pack n' play (another cube)...I keep hoping he'll put 2 and 2 together and perhaps stop scaling the couch, but it hasn't worked yet.

This space, my blog. Sadly, it's been quite ignored lately. I'll think about posts, but never seem to find a time to type them out. I've been trying to post about the babies 1st birthday party forever...yet I never find time to do it.

Most of all I feel like I'm stuck in a box in here.

I started "Not The Path I Chose" when I was in the throes of secondary IF. I just needed a place to vent my frustrations and "talk" about my struggles. I never expected the amazing support the IF blogging community has given me. When I was in treatment, it was wonderful to know that I had a little cheer leading section behind me who understood how stressful that is!

Now that the twins are here, I just don't feel comfortable here. *sigh*

I know it's *my* space, and I can take it in any direction I want to. If I'm being honest, I started struggling in this space while I was pregnant. I was so worried and scared that I might come across as not being grateful if I complained about the pregnancy aches & pains. I still worry about hurting someone with my postings of success, even though I loved reading about the success of someone else while I was in the middle of our struggle.

So, I've been thinking about a revamp around here...maybe a new look, definitely a new tag line to refocus on who *I* am. Anyone have any suggestions?

Maybe that will make me feel comfortable again.


  1. Most of my followers or commenters have gone away. I hate it. I need support now more than ever.

  2. i'm with you on struggling to post now that we're "past" secondary IF. I don't want to complain but I want to be able to say "she's teething and it sucks" but I don't want to piss people off. Sigh.

    I have to leave the house to take E to school thank God. I do remember after I had E though I rarely left the house at all. Being forced to leave is probably good for me.


  3. Not to be all spammy in your comments section, but this: helps me immensely with my chopping of everything. Hotdogs, fruits, etc...

    I was uncomfortable blogging when pregnant. I didn't want to complain about anything (because I didn't want anything misconstrued as ungrateful) and I didn't want to be all positive (lest someone take it as gloating)...

    I'm more comfortable now, but I understand the feelings you are having. It is hard. Just know that you have people who read and love you guys and want to keep up with you - regardless of your blog look or tagline.

  4. I lost a lot of my followers when Isaac was born, too. I got over feeling like I needed to appease other people. But, at first, I did feel uncomfortable posting about pregnancy stuff. To be honest, though, I think MOST people would complain at 35 weeks pregnant. To say they wouldn't is just silly. The same with cutting up veggies/meat/fruit. If you had to do it you'd want a place to vent. I know I do.

  5. Oh, I totally know where you are. Some days I feel like a short order cook and when it comes time to feed myself of my husband I just don't have the energy. Good thing hubby likes to cook for me. Hang in there. When you win the lottery, you can do what I want to do which is hire a personal chef and food shopper.

    As for the blog, I like the revamp idea. I did it with mine after Bodie was born. I was no longer TTC and I felt like it was time to move forward and enjoy the life I had worked so hard for. Mine is also a blog for my family that lives all over the world, so I needed to upgrade it because I don't want to close it down. Ultimately you should do what makes you feel comfortable. You have 3 kids. You are busy. I think we all understand that. Once things level out (and they will) then maybe you revamp and start fresh with a blog chronicling the life of a mom of 3 with the undertone that it was a bumpy road getting there. :) Just a thought.

    Personally I love it when you post so I hope you keep it up when you can.

  6. A revamp sounds wonderful! It is a testimony to those struggling with infertility to find a blog like this where they can follow your entire journey, from beginning to present.

  7. I understand what you mean w/being afraid of hurting peoples feelings. I considered no longer blogging for a while because if it & am so grateful I didn't because now I need this community more than ever! I think revamping & gearing more towards being a mommy but leaving your history to encourage others is a great idea.

    P.S. It is crazy to go from working outside the home to barely ever leaving!!!

  8. Great post! I think a revamp is a good idea: I'm not sure where all the bloggers have gone, but I have been feeling for the past few months that no one is out there....and I have a varied enough blog with different bloggy groups.

    A fresh look is always something fun!

  9. I hear you on being in a box. As hard as it is to get two babies out the door I do. It is usually just for a walk but a change of scenery does us good. You have three kids, a husband and a house to take care of--it's a full plate. Is there something you can do-i.e.--knitting class, go for a walk by yourself? You need time for yourself too. I like the idea of changing your blog. Whatever you do I'll be here to read and support you ;-)

  10. this was really well written, I know what you mean to an extent - being stuck in a cube is not fun.

    no suggestions about new identity around here, but don't go away!