Mixed Emotions

Mother's day.

A seemingly sweet holiday.

One to honor the women who birthed, raised, supported us in our lives.

If only it was that simple.

Mother's day is a holiday that I have such mixed emotions about.

For many of us, the ones who have suffered or are still suffering from infertility, it is a holiday filled with aching.

I've felt that ache, the wanting of a baby to hold on Mother's day. If that's where you are this year, please know that I will be thinking about you, holding you close in my thoughts, understanding what a tough day it is to endure.

Mother's day, to me, is also hard for an entirely different reason.

I hate enduring the endless stream of commercials reminding me to buy the perfect card, flowers and candy for my Mom.

I get angry when I walk past the displays of cards in the stores.

I want to shout out, "Stop pressuring me, I wish I had to worry about buying the right card!"

Instead, I just put my head down and walk on by.

It's been seven years since my Mom lost her battle to ovarian cancer.

I miss her everyday, but there are 2 days in the year where I can't help but have a good cry.

Mother's day is one of them.

She never had a chance to hold my babies.

She never had a chance to give me tips on how to raise them.

She never had a chance to sing them lullabies.

I might be a thirty-something year old woman with my own family now....but sometimes all you want is your mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.