Slowly Sinking...

I feel like I'm losing the battle here.

After all of your wonderful suggestions last week to my cry for help in Got Milk?, I called up the hospital LC and talked to her about Big Boy and his slow weight gain. She reassured me that it's not my milk, as Pretty Girl is gaining well, but something on Big Boy's end. Her theory is that he's smaller, and probably tuckering out before he gets to the calorie dense hind milk. The suggestion was to pump after feedings and give him the expressed milk by bottle.

Sounded like a plan to me.

Like all best laid plans, though, it's not working that well.

It worked great the first few days, and Big Boy was scarfing down an extra 8 ounces of breast milk a day.

After their morning feedings, I tend to get anywhere from 4 to 7 ounces, not too shabby. As the day wears on, my output drops off sharply. I'm lucky to get an ounce after a feeding by mid-afternoon. Sadly, the last 2 mornings, I've only managed to pump about 3 ounces in the morning.

Then there is the bottle issue...

Big Boy definitely eats better from a bottle. He's very lazy at the breast and is becoming even more lazy. Every day I try to wean him from the nipple shield, but now he won't even attempt to latch with out it! I can't tell you how many tears he (and I) have shed with him screaming at my breast in the last week.

Yesterday, in desperation, I stopped tandem nursing them for most of the day. When I took him and nursed him by himself, he seemed to latch better, and was satisfied longer following those feedings. I'm starting to wonder if it's the football hold positioning that I use to tandem nurse that doesn't work as well for him. His weight gain slowing down does coincide with me finally getting the hang of tandem nursing. Well, I thought we had gotten the hang of it.

The problem with splitting up the nursing sessions is time, and the fact that the baby not being feed is usually hungry somewhere within the other's nursing session. The same thing with pumping after feedings...I do nothing but feed or pump all.day.long.

This makes me feel guilty. Guilty that nursing isn't working for us. Guilty that I'm not interacting in any other way with my children. Guilty that I'm pumping. Guilty that I may have been leaving Big Boy hungry, misinterpreting his cries. Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Guilt is an awful thing.

I don't want to stop breast feeding.

I don't want Pretty Girl to only get the benefits.

I don't want to put Big Boy on formula.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what *I* want.

I have to do what is best for the babies. So, I've increased my liquids, eating bowlfuls of oatmeal, drinking "Mother's Milk" tea, and adding fenugreek.

All the while I feel like I'm on a sinking ship, and I can't bail out the water fast enough.

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Thank you for all your suggestions.

Seriously.

You don't know how much they have helped. Without them, and your support, I probably would have given up nursing Big Boy last week.

Thank you.

Got Milk?

Sorry to interrupt the horrible amount of blogging that has been going on here lately.
I have quite a few posts in the works, but today I just need to put this out there.

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Got Milk?

Or is there enough milk?

Long story short, the twins have been exclusively breastfed since birth.

I think each of them has had less than 2 ounces of formula each. I'm not against formula, in fact Miss O. was fed breast milk exclusively through 3 months, then was fed formula while I was at work, and breastfed when I was with her. It worked for us. I went into this pregnancy hoping to produce enough for both babies, but open to the idea that if I couldn't we would supplement.

I just want my babies to be healthy.

Pretty Girl is doing great. She's a champion nurser who will nurse anywhere at any time. At 1 week she weighed 5 lbs, 8 oz., at 6 weeks 7 lbs, 8 oz., and last night at 1o weeks, 10 lbs, 2 oz.

Big Boy is concerning me. We're still nursing with a nipple shield, as he gets hysterical if I try to get him to latch without it, yet takes forever to get latched. Once he's got it, he's great...but sometimes it takes 10 minutes or more to get there. His weights are not as impressive, either. At 1 week, he weighed in at 5 lbs, 4 oz., at 6 weeks 6 lbs, 8oz., and 10 weeks was 7 lbs, 4 oz.

His weight gain has slowed waaaaaaayyyyy down. Around 6 weeks was when I finally got the hang of tandem nursing them...or so I thought. Now, I'm just worried that he's not getting enough milk.

He has plenty of wet and dirty diapers a day. He's nursing 8 to 12 times a day. What else can I do?

They go in for their 2 month check up next Thursday.

I'm fully expecting to be told to supplement Big Boy at this point. Again, if that is what's best for him, I will...but I'd really like to continue just breastfeeding if we could.

Any thoughts?

Many Milestones

This has been a week of many milestones here at Not The Path I Chose.

First of all, the twins are 2 months old!

The way days run into each other around here, I find it hard to believe they've already hit that mark and it's the middle of September.

Big Boy is finally out of preemie clothes and controlling his head better. His cheeks are starting to fill out, both sets! LOL. His smiles are the best, as his whole face light up as he gives his gummy grin.

Pretty Girl is smiling quite a bit, too. She has a double chin now...SO cute and is starting to have to be squeezed into her newborn sized clothes. (The 0-3 are still too big!) She had an ultrasound on her hips this month since she was breech, to make sure everything was OK. Everything looked fine to Mommy and Daddy's relief.

As of Monday the twins seem to have stopped their feeding every hour on the hour schedule, freeing up Mommy to at least be able to go to the bathroom and maybe load the dishwasher. Yay!

Yesterday was my first time going out in public with the two of them by myself. We loaded up the van at 9:15 and headed to the first MOPS meeting of the year. Shockingly, we had no crying for the two hours. Pretty Girl took a short nap, then nursed, while Big Boy looked around for a while then fell asleep. Mommy got to see some friends, enjoy a cup of coffee and feel like herself for a few hours. They were so good, I even braved going out to lunch with a friend afterwards.

Finally, this is my 300th post!

I could have never imagined that I'd be the mother of 3, when I started this blog. I was in a very ugly place emotionally convinced that I'd never have another successful pregnancy. This was my place to rant away and work through those emotions that I thought nobody else understood. What I found was a community who did and has rallied with me as I went through the second half of the long journey that blessed me with the twins. You've cheered my victories, cried along with my losses, and most of all have just been super supportive. Thank you.

Show & Tell: Wishes

Suzy from Not A Fertile Myrtle has revived an old favorite of mine, Show & Tell!

This week, since it's the first time I've found the time to participate, I figured I'd show the darling onsies I received in the mail from Suzy when the twins were born. The saying is just perfect, as it was such a long journey to their arrival.

Even though they were "newborn" size, I had to wait a while before trying them on the twins.

I'm happy to say that they fit great now, and I can't see them in them without smiling, and thinking about the wonderful blogger who sent them. Thanks, Suzy!

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Want to join in? Head on over to Not A Fertile Myrtle and play along!

All By Myself

Sing with me...

All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore

OK, so it isn't that bad.

It is weird, though, to only have the twins at home with me. And, if I'm being honest, a little lonely.

Miss O. had a great first day of school and came home smiling.

It is a little more challenging than I expected. Miss O. was really good at helping replace a Binky, or pacifier in the fussing baby's mouth, buying me a little time. She was also my legs, running up & down the stairs to grab what I needed, extra onsies, diapers, wipes.

Most of all, I miss her little voice singing, "Ca.rina don't cry, Ca.rina, don't cry", a little song she made up all on her own.

I'm so happy that I'm not returning to work now. It would break my heart to only see Miss O. for about an hour a day.

Instead, I get to be here when she gets off the bus, and enjoy all *three* of my children for the afternoon and evening.

I'm incredibly lucky, even if I am all by myself.

I'm Back!

Whew! I feel like it's been forever since I had a chance to sit down and type a post out. I realize this is how I've started the last few posts, but it's the truth!

M. surprised me with a present last week...an I.pod t.ouch! Woo-hoo! With it, I've managed to reduce my reader from over 500 unread posts to about 45. I'm almost caught up and feel like I'll be able to read and comment on a regular basis now. I've missed you all!

Last week, I took Miss O. and the babies up to my aunt's home for 4 days. It was nice to get away, even if all I did was feed babies. At least I had a change of scenery and a little help! The twins went on an AWFUL cluster feeding run that lasted 5 days. Yes, 5 days! For those 5 days, they ate on the hour, every hour for at least 3 to 5 hours at a time. I shed many tears, but I'm happy that it seems that they've calmed down for now.

School started for Miss O. today and the babies are 8 weeks today...it's a big day around here! Hopefully, I can get pictures and posts about both up in a reasonable amount of time!