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Saturday, August 14, 2010

Uneasiness & a Decision

Since last December, when we found out we were expecting twins, M. and I have been going back and forth on whether I will be returning to work.

Over the months, my heart had made one decision, while my brain was telling me to make another. Being pulled from work at 32 weeks to go on bed rest, didn't help, as I was hoping to work a little longer to squirrel away some more cash. I'm very thankful that my doctor pulled me then, as I'm sure that really, really helped me carry the twins as long as I did, but it has also made my decision a little tougher.

Yesterday, I pulled into the parking lot of my job for the first time since the end of May.

A close coworker was having her last day, and I wanted to drop off a little gift and a card. Plus, it was nice to introduce the twins to some of my friends. The only thing I was dreading was being asked when I was returning to work.

It was weird to park my vehicle in the lot and getting Miss O. and the twins out to go into the building. We didn't get very far before we were stopped by someone in the hallway who wanted to see the twins. I think it took us 20 minutes to go down a flight of stairs and two hallways! Overall, it was really nice to see everyone and I was only asked once about when I was returning. I shrugged it off and told them that I don't go back to the doctor until the end of the month.

The only big surprise was how I felt about seeing my desk occupied by someone else. I knew the temp would be sitting there, but I didn't expect to see ALL my pictures and personal items to be taken down and have paperwork piled on top of them! I'm not really sure why it bothered me so much, but it did.

As uneasy as I was to go back to visit, I'm glad I did. It only reinforced to me that I'm doing the right thing by not returning to work.

That's right, I've finally made a decision.

After looking into daycare costs, it makes no sense for me to return. I'd be working full time and only bringing home roughly $200 for two weeks of work after paying the daycare. Pinching pennies and following a budget will be well worth it to stay home with Pretty Girl and Big Boy! We thought about changing my shift, to eliminate a lot of daycare costs, but then I wouldn't see Miss O. hardly at all through the week. We waited way too long to finally add to our family, I don't want to miss seeing them grow up because I'm working.

Now, I just have to figure out how to tell my boss...

19 comments:

  1. Well let me be the first to welcome you to the SAHM club. Congrats on a tough decision. I know the twins will be so lucky to have you home and Miss O will be ECSTATIC!!!

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  2. I can imagine the decision has not been an easy one, but now you have made it and it makes perfect sense! So well done to you and enjoy mommyhood to the fullest with the three beautiful children you have. Much love, Fran

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  3. Great decision! It is what we have chosen (well, I am really part time as you know) and saving money and going without everylittlethingIwant has actually become pleasurable! I take pride in it- I know you will too.

    And what more important thing is there than those three little faces!?! xox

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  4. Oh, I'm glad you had something pivotal to help make your decision. Good for you! Congrats on being a SAHM! Enjoy it!

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  5. Whether or not to go back to work is a super hard decision to make (and one I have not officially decided myself). I think it is great that you will be home with your family and I am very happy for you!!!

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  6. I bet it is a relief to finally have made a decision! I agree that sometimes staying home is best in the long run when your daycare costs take up almost your entire check. Heck, maybe you can start a daycare in your own home! ;-)

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  7. Good decision, I know it was a tough one but sounds like it was right. Thinking of you ((HUGS))

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  8. I think you tell your boss exactly how you just told us...you waited a long time, and it was hard to bring these babies into your family and you don't want to miss them growing up. Plus of course thank you for everything, and this is very difficult, and maybe we will cross paths in the future, and I love this company yadda yadda yadda.

    Congrats and welcome to the SAHM world! :)

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  9. Yeay on staying home. Your babies need you :)

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  10. Curse them out and then jump down the emergency inflatable slide - DUH!

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  11. congratulations on becoming a SAHM! (and making a decision!)

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  12. Congratulations on the decision.

    Staying undecided is in itself a source of great anxiety and the truth is that if what you bring home is as little as you describe it is, it is better to hang around and watch your children grow.

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  13. Daycare is so expensive! And they are only little babies this once, take your time and enjoy it...and make sure you get some "ME" time too to ward off the SAHM crazies (obviously I need to follow that advice since I'm feeling pretty crazy and worn out these days, its worth it though).

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  14. Congratulations on your decision! I know the twins and Miss O are gonna love having you home.

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  15. Yay! I'm glad you finally came to a decision: I know you've been struggling with it.

    My being able to stay home with A has been such a blessing, and I know how lucky I am to be able to do so.

    As for your boss...just tell them. They'll either be understanding or disappointed...either way you're doing what is best for you.

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  16. Congrats on making a decision. I was in the same boat last year and I decided to stay home. I'm so happy with my decision. We stay super busy and have so much fun, but there are still days I question my decision. I think just about every mom who has been on maternity wonders what it would be like if she could/would have chosen the other path. I try not to think about the what if and enjoy every minute I'm with my girls and every milestone I get to see because I'm with them.

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  17. So glad you are getting to stay home! I imagine it is the greatest feeling knowing you will get to do this. Enjoy your time with your sweeties!

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  18. I don't envy you the conversation with your boss, but I completely understand your decision! As you know, I made the same one, even though the circumstances were different (I hated my job, and I was only technically a temp, though they did reopen my old position-same position as I was temping in basically- and beg me to apply for it). But yeah. When you realize how expensive infant care is TIMES TWO, you almost have to make the decision to stay home, unless you earn a boatload of money.

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  19. What a weird feeling to see someone else at your desk!

    And YAY For a decision!

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