Uneasiness & a Decision

Since last December, when we found out we were expecting twins, M. and I have been going back and forth on whether I will be returning to work.

Over the months, my heart had made one decision, while my brain was telling me to make another. Being pulled from work at 32 weeks to go on bed rest, didn't help, as I was hoping to work a little longer to squirrel away some more cash. I'm very thankful that my doctor pulled me then, as I'm sure that really, really helped me carry the twins as long as I did, but it has also made my decision a little tougher.

Yesterday, I pulled into the parking lot of my job for the first time since the end of May.

A close coworker was having her last day, and I wanted to drop off a little gift and a card. Plus, it was nice to introduce the twins to some of my friends. The only thing I was dreading was being asked when I was returning to work.

It was weird to park my vehicle in the lot and getting Miss O. and the twins out to go into the building. We didn't get very far before we were stopped by someone in the hallway who wanted to see the twins. I think it took us 20 minutes to go down a flight of stairs and two hallways! Overall, it was really nice to see everyone and I was only asked once about when I was returning. I shrugged it off and told them that I don't go back to the doctor until the end of the month.

The only big surprise was how I felt about seeing my desk occupied by someone else. I knew the temp would be sitting there, but I didn't expect to see ALL my pictures and personal items to be taken down and have paperwork piled on top of them! I'm not really sure why it bothered me so much, but it did.

As uneasy as I was to go back to visit, I'm glad I did. It only reinforced to me that I'm doing the right thing by not returning to work.

That's right, I've finally made a decision.

After looking into daycare costs, it makes no sense for me to return. I'd be working full time and only bringing home roughly $200 for two weeks of work after paying the daycare. Pinching pennies and following a budget will be well worth it to stay home with Pretty Girl and Big Boy! We thought about changing my shift, to eliminate a lot of daycare costs, but then I wouldn't see Miss O. hardly at all through the week. We waited way too long to finally add to our family, I don't want to miss seeing them grow up because I'm working.

Now, I just have to figure out how to tell my boss...