Bittersweet

Here it is the last week of December.

Unreal.

Even though I feel like the year has flown by, the last 2 months have really gone by the fastest.

Today is the 27th of December.

For the first time since I started this blog, almost 4 (crazy!) years ago, I didn't post on the 18th or the 22nd of December. Both days I thought about it, wanted to sit down and type, but I never had the chance.

On the 18th, we remembered my mother's death 8 years ago.

I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she has been gone that long...

I swear that if Miss O. wasn't going to turn 8 in March, that I just wouldn't be able to believe it!

The 22nd would have been her 63rd birthday.

Since she died, the holidays have always been bittersweet for me. Christmas was her favorite holiday, yet with her death so close to it, I've struggled with getting into the spirit, until after that day passes.

It always seems so wrong to be happy, to look forward to such joy, when I know that that sad day is looming before I can let my guard down and feel excited.

Every year, the sadness that surrounds the 18th lessens just a little bit.

In fact, I can honestly say, that this year instead of waking up with a feeling of dread that it was the 18th...I woke up and smiled.

I smiled because I chose to remember all the good times I had with my mother, to fill my mind with wonderful memories, instead of letting my mind only focus on that last day I had with her.

I still shed a few tears...but I think she would have been proud of me.