Bittersweet

Here it is the last week of December.

Unreal.

Even though I feel like the year has flown by, the last 2 months have really gone by the fastest.

Today is the 27th of December.

For the first time since I started this blog, almost 4 (crazy!) years ago, I didn't post on the 18th or the 22nd of December. Both days I thought about it, wanted to sit down and type, but I never had the chance.

On the 18th, we remembered my mother's death 8 years ago.

I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she has been gone that long...

I swear that if Miss O. wasn't going to turn 8 in March, that I just wouldn't be able to believe it!

The 22nd would have been her 63rd birthday.

Since she died, the holidays have always been bittersweet for me. Christmas was her favorite holiday, yet with her death so close to it, I've struggled with getting into the spirit, until after that day passes.

It always seems so wrong to be happy, to look forward to such joy, when I know that that sad day is looming before I can let my guard down and feel excited.

Every year, the sadness that surrounds the 18th lessens just a little bit.

In fact, I can honestly say, that this year instead of waking up with a feeling of dread that it was the 18th...I woke up and smiled.

I smiled because I chose to remember all the good times I had with my mother, to fill my mind with wonderful memories, instead of letting my mind only focus on that last day I had with her.

I still shed a few tears...but I think she would have been proud of me.

It's December!?!

The calendar says that today is December 1st.

Seriously!?!

I find that hard to believe, but I guess I have to trust that it's right.

November flew by. Way too fast.

NaBloPoMo was a big fail for me. Sounded like a good idea at the time, but totally unrealistic.

The truth is the twins are busy.

Busy, busy, busy.

I honestly can't take my eyes off of them for a minute while they are awake.

Not one minute.

For example, yesterday evening I was in the kitchen putting together dinner. I had let the twins in with me, and they were walking around the kitchen and playing with plastic containers. I was mixing up dinner, and just turned away from Big Boy for a minute.

BANG! What was that!?!

Big Boy is now bawling, sitting on the tile floor grabbing at his toes...next to him is a bottle of vinegar.

Somehow in the 30 seconds I looked away, he got into the pantry, grabbed the bottle of vinegar and dropped it on his foot.

Poor little guy.

This is why my blog is being ignored. This is why I never have time to comment on blog posts anymore.

It's okay, though.

I know that this is such a short time in their lives. Everyday they get a little more independent, grow a little bigger. They won't be little for long.

So what if I have over 200 posts in my reader to read? Who cares if I take over a month to read a magazine? Or that I can only log in to fac.ebook maybe once a week?

I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.