Not The Path I Chose

Bittersweet

2011-12-27T22:29:00.005-05:00

Here it is the last week of December.

Unreal.

Even though I feel like the year has flown by, the last 2 months have really gone by the fastest.

Today is the 27th of December.

For the first time since I started this blog, almost 4 (crazy!) years ago, I didn't post on the 18th or the 22nd of December. Both days I thought about it, wanted to sit down and type, but I never had the chance.

On the 18th, we remembered my mother's death 8 years ago.

I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she has been gone that long...

I swear that if Miss O. wasn't going to turn 8 in March, that I just wouldn't be able to believe it!

The 22nd would have been her 63rd birthday.

Since she died, the holidays have always been bittersweet for me. Christmas was her favorite holiday, yet with her death so close to it, I've struggled with getting into the spirit, until after that day passes.

It always seems so wrong to be happy, to look forward to such joy, when I know that that sad day is looming before I can let my guard down and feel excited.

Every year, the sadness that surrounds the 18th lessens just a little bit.

In fact, I can honestly say, that this year instead of waking up with a feeling of dread that it was the 18th...I woke up and smiled.

I smiled because I chose to remember all the good times I had with my mother, to fill my mind with wonderful memories, instead of letting my mind only focus on that last day I had with her.

I still shed a few tears...but I think she would have been proud of me.

It's December!?!

2011-12-01T16:30:00.002-05:00

The calendar says that today is December 1st.

Seriously!?!

I find that hard to believe, but I guess I have to trust that it's right.

November flew by. Way too fast.

NaBloPoMo was a big fail for me. Sounded like a good idea at the time, but totally unrealistic.

The truth is the twins are busy.

Busy, busy, busy.

I honestly can't take my eyes off of them for a minute while they are awake.

Not one minute.

For example, yesterday evening I was in the kitchen putting together dinner. I had let the twins in with me, and they were walking around the kitchen and playing with plastic containers. I was mixing up dinner, and just turned away from Big Boy for a minute.

BANG! What was that!?!

Big Boy is now bawling, sitting on the tile floor grabbing at his toes...next to him is a bottle of vinegar.

Somehow in the 30 seconds I looked away, he got into the pantry, grabbed the bottle of vinegar and dropped it on his foot.

Poor little guy.

This is why my blog is being ignored. This is why I never have time to comment on blog posts anymore.

It's okay, though.

I know that this is such a short time in their lives. Everyday they get a little more independent, grow a little bigger. They won't be little for long.

So what if I have over 200 posts in my reader to read? Who cares if I take over a month to read a magazine? Or that I can only log in to fac.ebook maybe once a week?

I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

Day 2: The One Where I Give Excuses

2011-11-02T22:46:00.003-04:00

I think I'm supposed to post a picture of what I'm wearing today, but it's almost 11pm and I haven't had a chance to do that....

You'll have to take a rain check on that, I'll try to do day 2 and 3 tomorrow.

Sleep is still an issue around here.

Pretty Girl has finally stopped nursing through the night, and will sleep for 5 -6 hours in a row.

Sadly, Big Boy, my good sleeper is not such a good sleeper anymore. He's been SO restless for about 3 weeks now. Tossing, turning, being sound asleep, but as soon as you put him in his crib he wakes right up and starts screaming!

I'm at a loss on what to do...

All I can do is remind myself that this, too, will pass.

Otherwise, we seem to be finally falling into a schedule, all of us as a family. I love how the school year and activities help with that.

Halloween was a ton of fun...hopefully I can get a few pics from that up tomorrow!

1 of 30: Self Portrait

2011-11-01T22:59:00.002-04:00

I'm going to give the 30 posts in 30 days a try....

And I love Not A Fertile Myrtle's idea of a different photo a day.

Fingers crossed I can stick with it!

Today is a self portait...best I can do, is one I snapped quick yesterday with my cell phone and Big Boy.

Why don't you join us? Find out more about NaBloPoMo here.

Someday I'll Laugh

2011-10-11T12:13:00.002-04:00

You know those moments, when you just feel so overwhelmed/angry/upset, but know that someday you will be able to look back and laugh?

Sunday was one of those moments.

It was a gorgeous day here, sunny, unusually warm. M. and I decided to waterproof/protect the new wooden swing set before the weather turns. I ran to the local hardware store to pick a gallon of water sealer and a few brushes.

Once home, for some reason, I brought the gallon of sealer inside with the bag of brushes and set it on the dining room table. Then I ran upstairs to grab some socks for the twins, so they could put on shoes and go outside with us.

As I'm walking back down the stairs, I hear M. yell, "Oh, G-d, NO!", then hear a loud thump, followed by Big Boy crying. I rush down the stairs, run through the living room, scared at what I'm going to see when I turn the corner to the dining room.

Nothing could have prepared me for it.

The contents of the entire gallon of sealer was in a puddle on the dining room floor carpet!

Thankfully, even though he had pulled it down, Big Boy was fine. It didn't touch him, just scared him. That's what's most important. How he was strong enough to do it, I don't know, but I'm still mad at myself for putting it there, even though I thought it was far enough from the edge so they couldn't reach it.

M. and I looked at each other in disbelief. Now what?

He grabbed old towels and we went to work trying to sop up as much as we could. I then sent him next door to see if they had a carpet cleaner to try and clean it up quickly.

The twins were crying in the pack n' play where I stuck them to keep them out of the mess.

An hour later, we still had a huge, wet, brown stain on the carpet, but I felt it was at least safe to let the kids out of the pen.

Ultimately, I know that I'll laugh about it. How can you not? Big Boy is fine, I'm only out $15 for the sealer, and now I have a reminder on my floor to not leave ANYTHING on the dining room table.

I guess we'll be tearing up the carpet and finishing the hard wood soon rather than later now....